First Initial Steps to Win Her Back - Get Your Ex Back Fast


Some says: If you know what women want, you can rule the world.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Secrets of Making a Woman Attracted To You

The best way to a woman’s heart isn’t her stomach, nor her mother – it’s her confusion. You want a woman to wonder just a little bit where she stands with you, and to create a dynamic where she ends up coming some of the distance to feel YOU out. The best way to do this? Pushing and Pulling.
Inside the hearts of men…
There’s a Twilight Zone about a gambler who dies, and winds up in an ethereal casino.
He starts playing, and he’s winning every time, and he’s sayin’ ‘Alright! I made it to heaven!’
Then time keeps on passing, and he keeps winning and winning and never losing… until he realizes ‘Shit, I’m actually in hell.’
What exactly does that have to do with attracting women? Quite a lot, actually.
Simply put, we humans like getting what we want… but not if it’s TOO easy. If something just falls into our lap without a fight or without effort, it suddenly loses some worth. Maybe we start to reassess our first judgment, we question if it’s really worth having.
After all, if it’s this easy, then everyone would be doing it. IF it’s worth it.
Not to mention, the journey helps CREATE the worth – the more you fight for it, the more you’ll savor it.
And I’m telling you this because…?
Don’t give it up too easily
Creating worth is ALL about attracting women.
If this were the 50s and I was a mom speaking to a daughter, I’d probably tell you to play hard-to-get.
But it’s the 21st century, I’m pretty sure you’re not my daughter and I KNOW I’m not your mom, so we need something more sophisticated. And as a man, we need to be more proactive, less passive about our chances.
We need to push. And pull. Make the woman feel like a yo-yo. It’ll drive her crazy – in all the right ways, all ways which are not only PART of a successful mating dance, they’re the MOST important steps.
Let me explain a bit.
Pushing and Pulling
What’s a pull? When you say something which is hopefully a bit cocky, playful, and funny all at the same time. Like she laughs at one of your jokes, you pause, give her a half-smile and say ‘You love me.’ or ‘I want a small wedding, ok?’ or ‘That was easy – all we need now is a little privacy and a soft surface. Or do you like it hard?’
Get it? Make assumptions about how attractive you are, how much she wants to jump your bones, and use all that to PULL her towards you. Let her know how lucky she is to have found you.
And at the same time, push. Let her know it’ll never work out. Say she tells you she only dates rich men, and she asks if you’re rich. ‘Nope. In fact, you’re paying for the next six rounds. That guy over there has an expensive shirt on, maybe you should hook up with him.’
Or if she says she likes bad boys, ‘Oh, my momma wouldn’t approve. I guess the wedding’s off – if that’s what momma says, of course.’
Basically, WHATEVER she says she looks for in a man, go ahead and play the OPPOSITE.
In words only we’re talking about. This is called flirting.
Every time you PULL with a compliment, you’ve got to PUSH with a tease. The vaguer and more possibly true, the better. If you’ve given a SINCERE compliment (as they all should be anyway), you’ve REALLY got to work on PUSHING HARD with something negative.
Something like ‘I’m not surprised YOU’D say that.’
‘I’m not telling.’
‘I don’t know you well enough – and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.’
‘See, you’re doing it again.’
Don’t be nasty, be fun – and mysterious
Remember, you want to keep everything PLAYFUL. That’s the key to making everything work.
She shouldn’t have any idea if you’re serious – with both the pushes and the pulls. You’ve got to keep her guessing the whole time.
This is EXACTLY where you want her mind to be – it both causes her to devote a LOT more mental energy to you than she would otherwise, AND it makes you more interesting. Complex. And fun.
That very complexity, interest, and fun GREATLY increases your worth.
Many of the women who were MOST into me were those who LEAST knew where they stood. As you practice this, you’ll find out it’s a VERY powerful tool.
Don’t be a jerk
One of the other things it sometimes does is create INSECURITY in the woman. Now, a little insecurity can be a good thing – it adds spice, keeps everything from becoming boring and monotonous, like with our gambling friend.
But you don’t want to be cruel, and TOO MUCH insecurity can damage both the lady and your relationship with her. Don’t take this too far. If she seems to be getting genuinely upset, it’s time to pull a little bit – ‘Hey, don’t worry so much, look who I’ve decided to spend my valuable time with.’
But in general, men do WAY too much pulling, making it clear how awesome they find a woman and how much they want to be with her. Chances are very good your pulling skills (Vitalio usage) are overdeveloped.
Work in the weak link - pushing
So instead, my assignment to you is to work on your PUSHING skills. Think of different ways to say to her ‘Hey, I know the sun doesn’t shine out your ass. And I don’t need you – I can pull (British usage) a woman any time I like. And I’m not convinced we’re right for each other.’
Hint: the less you use words, the better this will work. Body language – like not facing her, or flirting with other women – is often MUCH more powerful.
So today (or tomorrow, but don’t wait any longer) go find a woman you’re VERY attracted to. And figure out a way to keep her engaged while at the same time PUSHING HARD.
You’ll get the balance between push and pull as time passes, but for the moment, practice those playful pushing maneuvers. Remember to keep it FUN – once it’s not, you’re just a bastard. Which can work – it’s one of the reasons bastards get more than their fair share of chicks – but not something I’d recommend on a human level.
Push-Pull in relationships (fledgling or otherwise)
One other thing – as you get to know a woman better and you enter the rapport stage, you shouldn’t lose the push-pull dynamic, but it should morph a bit. Into something more like reward and punishment – so you REMAIN an interesting challenge, but you use it to teach her what kind of behavior is acceptable for you.
For instance, if she’s been great, you can take her to eat her favorite food. If she’s acting moody and bitchy, you can cut your time together short – ‘I don’t appreciate this kind of behavior, and I don’t deserve it. I’ll call you later when it’s out of your system.’
Reward and punishment is a little trickier, and we’ll deal with it again at a later time. For now, focus on learning to PUSH just as well as you’ve learned to PULL.
And if you want to know more about this dynamic and how it affects other aspects of dating – up to and especially including SEX – you should check out my course SeductionScience , full of perfect examples of BOTH behaviors being used in the right way. Nothing can teach you better than trial and error in your own situations – but the next best thing is seeing how OTHERS use tactics successfully. Check it out.

Derek Vitalio

All You Have To Do Is… Act Naturally.

Most guys are either too nervous or too fake when approaching ladies. But states have significant drawbacks. The only way to defeat all those problems and have success every time is to act in a natural way. Easier said than done… but, using some of the skills I can teach you, perfectly doable.
In the Wish-I-Forgot mists of time…
I want you to take a moment and step into that time machine we call memory, and travel back to the first time you approached a girl.
Or the first time you talked to a girl with romantic intent – maybe calling her off your junior high phone list, whatever.
Now, fine-tune that machine and don’t glaze over a thing – get deeper than the facts and acts, examine the emotions and colors?
What do you see?
Does it, perhaps, involve sweaty palms and a clumsy tongue?
Eyes cast downward and body twitchy?
Thought so.
Now, much less taxing, think back to the most RECENT encounter you’ve had with a woman.
Your mom doesn’t count.
What was it like?
Was it similar to your first in any way?
Did you get jittery, even if only for a second?
Did you TALK to her while nervous?
That ain’t good.
The problem with nerves
We ALL get nervous occasionally – usually in a nice simple relationship to our experience and her attractiveness.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that nervousness isn’t a good thing – in fact, it’s about the WORST thing you can carry into a pick-up. Any chance of being thought of as confident or together is gone, instantly.
Now, dealing with it isn’t as easy as realizing it’s a problem.
Now the REAL nut is, nerves aren’t the only thing you have to worry about.
Playing the game?
Lots of guys have come up with their own ways to push the nerves to the side – whether it’s putting on a different persona, psyching themselves up, getting into a war mentality or what-have-you.
True, this works a little better than the big stutter – since at least you’re making contact.
But also true, if you are acting differently from your normal, non-flirting self, a woman will know it.
And unless you’ve got an indiscriminately randy lady on your hands, that false front is ALWAYS going to cause problems.
That’s why it ain’t enough to simply be RELAXED, you’ve also got to be NATURAL.
Act naturally
The biggest key, of course, is defeating your nerves.
One of the BEST methods I’ve found is through a little self-guided meditation.
I’m not going to give away all my secrets, BUT I can tell you the basics.
Once you’ve got yourself in the right state, you call up both your nervous emotions, and then your positive relaxed ones.
Then, you CONSUME your negative thoughts with your positive ones.
The result is, whenever you start to get those butterflies, you’ve conditioned yourself to call up POSITIVE RELAXED states.
Now, that might seem like the toughest part, and indeed, for you it might be.
Lose the mask
But if you’ve developed a player mode to help get rid of your flutters, than deprogramming this damaging behavior might take even more time.
Why? Because, in comparison to your earlier attempts, it’s done the job. Sure, it actually hurts in the larger scheme, but you’re used to thinking of it as something that works (albeit in a scattershot way).
When you encounter a stumbling block, you’re going to be REALLY tempted to revert.
You’ve created a comfort around this persona, and UNLESS you concentrate, your head is going to keep returning to it.
Unlike with nerves, which has NEVER had any positive reinforcement.
So now, let’s work on CONVINCING yourself that a NATURAL approach is the way to go.
Role-play time… don’t enjoy it TOO much
Say you’re a woman.
Alright, stop fondling your breasts and get serious.
Two guys come up to you, identical in nearly every way.
The only difference is, one seems to be living his life, while the other seems to be chasing you.
Which one are you more likely to be attracted to?
Yeah, whenever you put on your player mask, you are telling the woman you WANT HER. BAD.
You create a chase scenario – with you as the pursuer.
Don’t chase
It’s human nature to run when you’re being chased.
What’s more, there’s none of that sparkling mystery involved. You want her, so she can have you whenever she feels like it. Simple as that.
Compare this to the same dude, just as cool, just as charming, but he isn’t chasing you.
He’s fun without forcing it, and doesn’t have an ulterior motive.
He is who he is.
Not to mention, there’s a good bit of intrigue.
Make her think… and WORK for your attention. Don’t give it away.
‘I mean,’ the female you thinks, ‘most guys throw themselves at me. But not this one, I wonder if he’s even interested? I wonder if I can GET him interested?’
You don’t have to watch a lot of teen flicks to know guys prefer the unreachable lady, and ladies reject guys who obviously worship them.
In the movies often the guys and gals end up with the one they’re ‘supposed’ to be with and not the one who’s out of reach.
That’s not usually the way it REALLY works, though.
And even in the movies the unreachable bitchy hottie needs to BECOME reachable before she’s rejected.
As long as she’s out of reach – or thought of that way – she’s more alluring.
And it works the same way with ladies.
Put on your player face, and you are COMPLETELY reachable. And where’s the fun in that?
Again, saying it’s good to be natural and actually ACTING naturally around hot women is a very different thing. And again, if you want in on the secrets that will make all the difference, you should check out my program Opening Magic. It will change everything for you.
Derek Vitalio
Seduction Sciences

The Curiosity Hook

Conversing is hard, sometimes. Sometimes you just run out of things to say. And when this happens while you’re trying to attract a beautiful woman, it usually means death. UNLESS, of course, you are prepared with a few useful tricks to keep ANY conversation exciting and interesting, and get HER to pursue it. Once you know the way to do it, it’s easy. Hook her.
Of TV producers and women
Question: How do you know a commercial is coming up?
Answer: Egg timers. I always keep a few near my set to help time my beer and bathroom runs.
Eh, not so much.
Still, I can almost always tell when a commercial is coming. So can you. You know, the music swells, the drama builds, something important is about… to… happen… Pringles?!! Damn, I’ll have to wait.
This is where the term ‘cliffhanger’ comes from. Producers didn’t take too long to figure out the key to keeping viewers watching over ads – ask a question that they want to see answered.
And you know what? It works. It works so well, that I bet you YOURSELF have watched shows you didn’t care about, looking back on you thought they were bad to atrocious, putrid, the worst kind of TV… but you wound up sitting through the whole thing because there was always a question you wanted the answer to.
And then once you got the ‘next,’ you stuck around for the next next.
It wouldn’t surprise me if you did it this week. Today.
Hell, you could be doing it right now.
ALL TV shows use this technique, because it works REALLY well.
And you know what? You should too.
The deadly silence
Obviously, it’s best to be a master conversationalist, able to turn any topic into witty gold and any situation into magic charm.
But even the BEST conversationalist is occasionally going to find himself without something to talk about. And anyone whose skills are short of the best will find their verbal well dry a LOT more often.
When you’re trying to pick up a woman, this is VERY dangerous. She’s making snap judgments, you’ve got to prove yourself quick and attract her, keep her interest, all while the world moves around her and other men come and go (especially in bars, clubs, and the like).
You can’t think of a THING, the silence is getting awkward, and suddenly she’s saying ‘Nice to meet you,’ shaking your hand (don’t you hate when a romantic possibility shakes your hand?) and walking out of your life.
What could you have done?
Hook her, baby. Cliffhang the lady.
Elevate your game
I LOVE this technique. Even if you’ve got all the social skill of untrained apes, master the hook and women will inexplicably find themselves interested in what you’re saying.
If you can carry yourself in a halfway-decent manner, a well-placed hook or two will GREATLY magnify her interest and, subsequently, attraction.
Alright, so what kind of hook am I talking about, anyway? It’s not like you’ll keep the girl staring at you wondering if you’re going to get shot or if you’ll find a way out of the cave, is it?
No, the hooks I’m talking about hint at INFORMATION, knowledge and a future conversation that she WANTS to have.
For example, one of my favorite hooks is ‘You know, I’ve noticed something very interesting about you. I bet no one else has ever noticed it.’
That’s it. That’s all I’ll say.
Turn the tables
Now of course she wants to know what I’ve seen, what this mysterious interesting thing could be. And I can tell her.
Or I can string it along, say something like ‘I don’t know if I should tell you. I don’t know you well enough, maybe you can’t handle it.’
Now she actively WANTS to get to know you better, just so she can PROVE she can handle it and hear this unseen tidbit spoken.
Think about what that kind of attitude does for you.
Yep. It makes EVERYTHING easier. You don’t need to win her over any more – she’s HOOKED, and now she’ll be trying to win YOU over.
I call this the curiosity hook, and there are thousands more just like them.
Your mission, should you choose yada yada ya
So today, a little bit of homework. I want you to think of at least five curiosity hooks you can use to get a girl INTERESTED, but at the same time leave her wanting more.
Usually the topic will be her or her personality – basically EVERYONE is curious about how they appear to others – but beyond that, go wild. Tease. Be gentle. Be funny. Barely mention it. Harp on it. Fool around with this basic idea and come up with a bunch of ways to deliver it and get the girl interested.
Chances are good as you try them out, you’ll find certain ones work best with certain types of girls. So you’ll need your whole repertoire to be able to get that hook bit by all the different kinds of women in the world.
Hook… but also SATISFY
BUT, that’s not the end.
Sure, the cliffhanger might keep you watching, but it doesn’t help you like the show.
Not only do you need to hook her INTEREST, you need to eventually SAY something interesting and insightful. That’s what the lead-up is all about, and you don’t want her to be let down.
Luckily, this is a pretty easy thing. How can that be?
Well, humans are in general very similar, and there are a number of things you can say that will fit almost ANYONE. This is what fortune tellers do when they give a cold reading.
You go from there by paying attention to the reaction you get – and more deeply explore the things the girl finds interesting.
Like one of my favorites is ‘You put on a brave front, but actually a lot of the time you feel lonely. Your beauty creates a wall around you – some women are jealous, and most men act weird and only see your outer shell. Few people ever bother to look at the real you.’
Does that sound like you (aside from the beauty part)? Does it sound like something almost anyone could say about themselves?
Then, you pay attention to which part REALLY perks her. Does she start when you talk about women’s jealousy? You can bet she has gone through a period of ostracism by other women. The part about being treated like meat? She’s probably been harassed – either very badly or very recently (ALL beautiful women are harassed at some point, sadly, so if it was mild or long ago she probably wouldn’t react much – par for the course).
See how this works?
So, start thinking about various generic things you start with that will be true for most women – get inside their heads, think about common experiences, and go from there.
Don’t stop with just one scenario – you’ll always be able to find someone you can tell straight-off it won’t fit, and besides, many women will want to share your insight with friends.
You don’t want to get caught telling people the same thing.
Plus, you’ll want to repeat this exercise more than once on a girl.
Other than that, remember the most important part is the HOOK. Even more than the insight – because you’ve got to build the thing up first to REALLY make it magic.
And if you DO build it up, it WILL be magic.
If you want to learn more about how to use quality hooks and get get deep into the psyche of woman, you should check out my course: Seduction Science.

Your Friend,
Derek Vitalio


So many guys think you can improve your sexual quality by learning all sorts of special techniques. Sure, those are nice – but they’re closer to window dressing than the heart of the matter. What you REALLY need to do is engage her brain, activate her fantasies – and become that which TRULY turns her on.
You’ll like this exercise
I want you to close your eyes. I want you to close your eyes and continue reading through squinty eyelids that you shut whenever you get enough info to run with it.
Now, I want you to think of the HOTTEST image you can.
It can be something you’ve done, something you’ve seen done, or just something you’ve dreamt of doing.
Paint the full picture. Really let yourself go, get randy, get to the point where it’s tough to just sit there without doing something ABOUT this amazing fantasy.
Once you’ve gotten the picture firmly in your head and you’ve, uh, concluded it, take a few moments to reflect.
What was it about the fantasy that turned you on?
It’s not the size of the wave, OR the motion of the ocean?
Now I don’t claim to have ANY idea what you personally find exciting, but I’m prepared to make a few generalities that will almost CERTAINLY apply.
It might have been location-specific, or person-specific, or attitude-specific.
But it wasn’t technique-specific.
What I mean by this is, you might have been on a secluded beach with three other ladies lapping at you – but you weren’t concerned with the exact motion of the flicks of their tongues (even if you know it through vivid imagination).
If you were making out, it might have been the EXCITEMENT of doing it in a hotel pool with lots of balconies around – but not the pattern of suction she applied to your lips.
Or if you were eating sushi off some naked Asian beauty, it was the fact that you were EATING SUSHI OFF SOME NAKED ASIAN BEAUTY, and didn’t have much to do with how you held the chopsticks.
Where are we going here?
Technique isn’t important. Ok, it’s important – but only in a secondary kind of way.
You’ve been duped too long!
‘Wait,’ you think, ‘What about Susie Q. who did this thing it drove me wild, that was technique!’
Yeah, that can happen. But only when you already LIKE someone, for the most part. Susie Q. already got you excited – so you were LOOKING for something to turn you wild. You were just helping her along.
Now, there are rare instances of a woman who has such AMAZING technique that she’ll keep her men around just for that.
But trust me, those are EXTREMELY rare instances, both because of the skill necessary and because, well, most men need something MORE than the pure physical pleasure of pleasing touches.
Don’t get me wrong, the pleasing touches are wonderful – they just can’t do the job alone.
Now, bearing in mind what it is that REALLY turns men on, remember this – for women, it’s even MORE about the fantasy and LESS the physicality.
Up to ten times more, in some cases.
And what is it that most books or programs try to teach a man to help his sex life?
Yep, techniques.
Hey, it can be handy to know the 1 o’clock hot spot or the Frisbee hold… in the same way it can be handy to know where the salad fork goes.
These things can help make an event that much more special, but if you can’t COOK, they don’t mean much.
So, sexually, how do you COOK?
Simple. You’ve got to plug into your lady’s brain.
Engage her mind, find out and then ACT OUT her fantasies. Don’t worry so much about stroke order until you’ve mastered the more ephemeral parts of sex.
And how do you do that?
If I had to sum it up in two words, I’d say Inner Confidence.
You need to be so COMFORTABLE in your sexual skin that you RELAX her. So OPEN and at ease that you bypass her nerves and shyness (and most women – even gregarious ones – are shy when you get to sexual fantasies).
You need to make her feel ok being open and vulnerable with you. And you do that not through cooing and being a girlie-man – but by being open and confident and completely natural about everything.
And then you need to LEAD her.
If her comfort and trust are what open the door, you’ve gotta take her hand and help her through it.
Think about it – you can NEVER achieve this sort of openness and freedom with another spontaneously or just because you WANT to – it MUST be actively brought out by your partner.
And then, once you’ve got access to her fantasies, start making them come TRUE. Trust me, if you truly get in her head, you can make a woman orgasm without even TOUCHING her.
And if you’ve got a lady having that much fun, she’s going to INSIST on sharing the pleasure.
So now you know WHAT to do – the question is HOW?
Where’s that recipe?
The answer is from WITHIN yourself. This is entirely an inside-to-outside enterprise.
To get at the BEST way to find your sexual confidence and fulfill your ladies’ fantasies, check out my program, Blissnosis.
In addition to helping you become the most confident kind of man, it covers literally HUNDREDS of other aspects of dating and romance. Best of all, it’s focused where most other books leave off – how to fulfill and KEEP a good woman satisfied and begging for more once you’ve found her.
Of course it will ALSO help you with every step from meeting to bedding – but nowhere else will you get truer advice on how to create and have a GREAT LASTING relationship – that is, if you aren’t looking to Dear Abby clones for dating advice.
Check out Blissnosis and you’ll see exactly what I mean – it will help you become a more desirable man in EVERY phase of the game.

Until Next Time,
Derek Vitalio


The next base ritual for creating a sexual connection with a woman is the ENERGY FLOW RITUAL.
So I’m sitting there alone with Charlotte and I say, “Did you know that bliss has a color? If you were to imagine bliss, what color would you give it?”
“Um… red I guess, with some swirls of blue,” she says.
“Now watch as a ball of red and swirling blue energy forms between us. This ball of energy contains all the pleasure in the world.”
“Now I’m going to take it into my hands. And once I do so, I’m going to take your hands into mine, and as you breathe in, feel all the red and swirling blue pleasurable energy enter into your body.”
That’s pacing what’s about to happen. So I take her hands into mine and tell her again that I’m passing the pleasurable energy into her.
“And as it enters your body through my hands, breathe in, and notice what it feels like as it slowly works its way through every muscle in your body… down to your elbows… up through your shoulders… around your neck… down through your body… into your heart.”
“That pleasurable, warm energy goes to that place you’ve been aching to feel touch you, deep, deep down and makes your heart beat fast with pleasure.”
“And notice as that pleasure spreads all through your body, it gets warmer and nicer, and the more it spreads, the more pleasurable it becomes.”
And as I squeeze her hands in mine, I tell her how the energy goes through all the rest of her body, through her waist, her legs, her feet.
Then I tell her, “Now, hold that incredible feeling in your body, swirling about, and feel it as if you were relaxing your body in a hot Jacuzzi, with hot water of this pleasurable energy massaging bathing skin. Send that warm pleasure rippling through your entire body. Surrender to it.”
“Now you’ll notice that a special connection is taking place, which when we share together becomes stronger.” As I say this to her, I’m massaging her fingers in mine.
“Now I’m going to show you the MELTING HUG,” I tell her.
“Hugging is wonderful because it makes you feel energized and makes your body produce more Oxytocin, which is like a feel good drug.” To the reader: Oxytocin is also the drug that surges through women’s bodies when they become aroused and when they experience orgasm.
“With this connection we’ve experienced so far, do you trust me?”
“Okay, come into my arms.”
I don’t lean in to her, but command her to lean into me.
“Don’t look into me eyes, just relax. At first you’ll feel tense, but that’s how you’ve learned to hug. But then you’ll feel a surge of electricity and excitement from being so close to me.”
“But just relax and feel your body melting into mine until you become totally absorbed in the connection taking place. And allow the warmth of my voice and the warmth of my arms to wrap themselves around you, making our connection even deeper. Breathe in to all parts of your body.”
So we hug there in the melting hug, my protective arms around her. It is truly a special moment.
You might recognize that the Melting Hug as the first step in a progression of touch escalation. You’re right.
After the Melting Hug, you’ll want to end the session with her. You don’t want to do too much in one day. She’ll already have had a profound experience and if you do too much at once it will seem weird.
The next rituals however will steadily increase the amount of intimate touch. After all, you don’t want to create just a friendly connection, you want to create a SEXUAL connection. And that requires a lot of touching.
But with the rituals done so far, you’ve established the basic foundation of trust and comfort with a woman. She’s shared an experience with you that is unique and very powerful.
And whether you’re seducing the woman for the first time or whether you’re already in a sexual relationship with her, these sexual connection rituals will build your authority and power in her eyes.
For more on how to build sexual relationships, you’ll want to check out my Blissnosis Master Program. Blissnosis gives you a lot more routines and techniques for transforming women into your sexual fantasy and building a special connection in your relationships.

Until next time,
Derek Vitalio

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Step By Step Seduction

Here I concretely lay out what we’ve covered to this point – a step-by-step guide from meeting a lady to getting her in your bed. Follow these steps religiously and you’ll do tons better than the guy thinking “God I want to sleep with HER!” Guaranteed.
Where are we?
By now we’ve talked a number of times about the STEPS approach, how you need to focus not on bringing a woman home, but instead on going one further step down the path that will lead to intimacy.
Still, we haven’t specifically listed each step – and some we haven’t even specifically stated. So before we unleash your new crazy powerful skills upon the world, let’s make sure you know the path you want to walk.
The First Step
Have your place READY for a lady.This doesn’t mean you need some insane Daddy Mac love pad with the potion of seduction enveloping every little item and cranny. What this DOES mean is you need your place presentable at every moment.
When you step out the door, is it dirty? Do you have old socks or pizza boxes hanging around? Would you bring a girl back to your pad, given its current state?
If the answer is no, you need to work on that spatial hygiene. Now you don’t need to be able to eat off the floor, but you do need your bathroom to NOT repel with its smell, your floor to be visible, and your general organization to be a cut above the mad professor.
Go too far and you look a bit like a neat freak – but that’s miles better than looking like a slob. The worst stereotype about neat men is they aren’t interested in ladies – and hopefully, you’ll be able to prove to your targeted woman that isn’t true within a few moments.
However, if you manage to elicit a lady’s disgust factor (and everyone has theirs triggered by different things – although generally, the closer you get to the toilet, the higher the risk) you can ruin a night’s worth of work. Nothing like having your place be a deal-breaker.
So, take the time. Keep it clean. Always. You never know when opportunity will present itself. Be a boy scout and be ready.
Even better, have your showcase skill or some other interesting object(s) in easy view. If you play guitar, don’t keep it in a closet, but set it up in your main room or bedroom in plain view. If you want to bring a woman over to “look at art” have the art book handy and displayed.
In other words, have the bait you’re using to lure to your lair in easy reach. When you arrive to show off that new CD, it looks more natural and genuine if it isn’t in the bottom of a drawer. If you want to show off your photo skills (one of my favorites), have your camera ready to go.
This isn’t rocket science. Just have a place that wouldn’t threaten anyone – and hopefully lends itself to playfulness and interest – and keep it that way. Easy. Still, plenty of people forget this, end a night prematurely because they aren’t ready to entertain, and never get another chance. Just don’t do that.
Be Clean in Every Way
Take care of your own hygiene. You’d be surprised how often bad breath is the deal-breaker. In fact, an offending smell is one of the most unattractive things known to humanity. Chances are at some time or other in your own past it ended what would have been a beneficial connection.
So, considering we lose any sense or our own scent very quickly, it’s best to play it safe. Assume you smell awful, and take the necessary precautions. Brush teeth twice. Bring along some sort of breath saver (I like the film ones because they’re small and make no noise in pockets). If you sweat, wash, and if you can’t wash, deodorize.
Cheap aftershave – used in MODERATION – can be a godsend.
As far as fashion goes, you don’t need to be straight off a Paris runway. In fact, unless you have talent in this area, simple is the best way to keep it. A nice pair of chinos and a plain black shirt is PLENTY as long as you wear it with confidence.
Flashier things can you some attention, but before you put them on you want to be sure it isn’t the wrong kind. Simple is fine. Really. Just look clean and fresh and you’ll have no problems.
Carry around an odor and stains and no matter how cool you are, your social value takes a dive and you’re cutting yourself off from most women (hot granolas excepted).
Create the Attraction
Be playful and fun and extend your meeting. This can mean getting a number or email, shifting your locale, or any of a million other things. The main purpose here is NOT to bring a woman to bed, but merely to ATTRACT her. All you need be concerned with is getting her interested enough that she wants to spend more time with you.
Best to do it with your relaxed and playful attitude, but if time is short, you can get a number with little more than confident politeness. Don’t worry about what comes later. Just get her into you to begin.
Lead her somewhere - together
Change locations. This can happen at the same time, or at a later date. This is where your scene-shifting skills come into play, where the fact that you are somewhere TOGETHER is both natural and enjoyable. If things are going well at this point you can shift quickly into physical contact, but at the least you should start introducing familiarities like hand-holding and relaxed (unpervy) touching. You’re building to a later point here, so don’t try to take more than is being offered – you’ll get turned down and likely lose a number of points, digging yourself a deep hole.
Just concentrate on establishing and strengthening your connection here. Again, that should be your ONLY GOAL. If want you really want is to sleep with this girl, fine. That comes later.
Don’t be the shortstop who looks where the throw’s supposed to go and misses the ground ball. Stay focused on your contact with the lady. The rest will follow successfully.
Get private
Now you’ve established contact, and the lady is into you. What do you do? BRING HER HOME. Her place or yours – whichever works with the seed you’ve created earlier (Have you heard the new Coldplay album?) Once you get her there, don’t rush things – she’s already basically said she’s interested in going further, but push too fast and you’ll turn her off and undo all the good you did earlier.
Instead, take your time here. In fact, if you wait just a little bit longer than she’s comfortable with – or play hard-to-get yourself (I don’t think you get to sleep with me just because we both like Coldplay!) that’s even more powerful.
Turn up the Heat
All you need now is the transition to PHYSICAL connection. Ah, that’s always a great place to trip yourself up, isn’t it?
Well, fear not.

For more Free tips please click MORE
Derek Vitalio

Seduce Faster with Visual Rehearsal

Too many guys attempt to learn seduction from the comfort of their chairs.
The fact is you need to go out into the field and get real, actual practice to improve. Only through real practice can you learn the nuances of seduction and really internalize the new behaviors.
Without practice, you may “know” a lot of book theory, but you won’t have the muscle memory of how to act. You won’t know how to bring the right piece of knowledge in at the right moment. You won't know how to your theoretical map onto real world situations.
It would be like reading every book on basketball ever written, and then going onto the field having never actually practiced. You’re not going to win any games.
Your brain can only keep track of one or two new things at once. Without practice, in real world situations your brain will be overloaded with knowledge and options that you haven’t internalized yet. You’ll have trouble recalling what you’re supposed to do and say – under the situation of the moment, all of your reading knowledge will leave you.
Only through practice can you really internalize the principles to the point where you don’t have to think about them – you just DO them.
Now, you don’t have to rely on field experience alone to improve. You also practice AFTER the field experience, when you get home.
Practicing after the actual event is a visual rehearsal.
When you do a visual rehearsal, you simply imagine what you did earlier that day all over again, while it’s still fresh in your mind.
You sit down in a chair where it’s quiet, and imagine your entire interaction with girl in vivid detail. For example, if you approached a girl at the mall, you would imagine the mall in vivid detail. You would imagine spotting the girl, noticing what she was wearing, and walking up to her.
You might imagine in a third person perspective, looking down at yourself, or from a 1st person perspective looking through your own eyes. It doesn’t matter.
Imagine how you walked up to her and your body language. Imagine what you said and how she reacted. Imagine the entire interaction from start to finish. This is the visual rehearsal.
Here’s where the learning part comes in. By visually and vividly reexamining the interaction, you’ll be able to spot obvious mistakes. Were you gawky or nervous? Could anything about your nonverbals be improved? Did you deliver the opener well in a playful, relaxed way? How did you follow up the opener?
The visual rehearsal should approach reality as close as possible so that your brain won’t be able to tell the difference.
Now start experimenting. Make some changes. Imagine how you should have approached the girl, ideally.
Imagine using a different opener and seeing how she would have reacted differently.
Imagine what you could have said when you stalled and ran out of something to say.
Get that new routine or story you read yesterday and imagine delivering it in the interaction to build some attraction.
Because the interaction is so fresh in your mind, you’ll be able to practice new openers and routines in the interaction vividly in your mind.
Here’s the magic: the outcomes you imagine will be generally accurate.
Meaning, if you imagine using a new routine, the response you imagine from the girl will be generally accurate.
That’s because if the experience is fresh in your mind and you have first hand experience of the events, like all human beings you have a natural knack for knowing how other human beings will respond to you.
Try variation after variation. Practice over and over the interaction as a visual rehearsal for an hour – again and again four, five, six, or seven times. Try this opener, then that opener. Try smiling, try changing your body angle, change your cues.
And even if you went out and you stalled on approaching the girl, visually rehearse what you should have done.
Remember, the visual rehearsal should be like watching a movie, except where you’re the director. That’s why it’s so critical to do the visual rehearsal immediately after the experience. If you wait two days later, it won’t work!
I had a dream not too long ago that I was flying. But this dream was different. While flying in the dream I *realized* I was dreaming. I *realized* I was in a dream. This is called a LUCID dream.
Once I realized that I was flying in my dream, I started to consciously control it. I flew on roofs. I flew over the ocean. I did stunts. It was so REAL. Freaky real. Real because I had total conscious control over what I was doing… yet it didn’t feel like my imagination, it felt REAL. I realized within the dream I could wake myself up, but I didn’t want to because it was so cool to fly.
I’ve only had lucid dreams a few times in my life (at least that I can remember) and in some ways a visual rehearsal is not much unlike a lucid dream.
It should seem real, but you’re in total control.
Your brain will actually LEARN new skills this way, very quickly.
Try it. It’s one of my favorite methods of learning.
Just remember, do it based on a REAL experience you JUST had. Go out to a club and mall where there are girls. Even if you don’t approach them, just get an experience and environment FRESH in your head as a base to work with.
And keep practicing at it and you’ll find that you get better and better.

If you want to learn more check out The Seduction Science 3rd Edition .

Until next time,
Derek Vitalio

Stop Dating… and Get Laid!

You know why most guys can’t get dates?
Because they try to get dates.
You think I’m going to talk to you about some Buddhist you-can’t-get-what-you-most-want thing here, and I am, in a way.
Just not the way you expect it.
Listen, if you set yourself up in a “date” situation, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re giving her an opportunity to say no. Even if you get the “yes,” you are setting yourself for an awkward encounter.
Most of all, you’re setting yourself up for judgment.
That’s not we do here in seduction science land.
You don’t want to activate her rational mind – you’re just asking for a whole slew of bad things to happen.
Her rational mind is the one that goes about picking mates. And unless you REALLY like spending months unsatisfied and a large floral bill, that isn’t the way to go.
You can start a relationship with a girl WITHOUT all that if you want… and you can have a purely physical relationship with a girl without all that, if you want. You have to trigger her on an emotional level. An attraction level.
And that means, NO DATES. The world’s a funny place.
So what do you do instead? You go on INSTANT dates.
Let me explain.
If you’re conversing with a girl and everything is going well, LEAD her somewhere. It can just be across the room, but LEADING is a powerful thing. More than you’d ever guess.
Say “Hey, I want to show you something.” Or “I want to tell you something.” Take her hand – if she returns a squeeze you know you’re in – and then have a little nugget ready to legitimize your leading. It can be a silly prop you carry with you, or a charming line you’ve worked out, just make sure it isn’t TOO corny. Be the good boy scout we all know you are, and be prepared for this.
By the way, if you’ve made out a little by this point, that’s a teeny help. As you might imagine.
If you feel a little strange doing this leading, then get her ready to accept it. How? Get her saying yes.
“Do you like to have fun?”
“Are you adventurous?”
“I don’t show everyone this, but want to see something special?”
That was easy, wasn’t it? People tend to feed off patterns, and if you get her agreeing with you, her natural tendency will be to continue.
By comparison, you don’t want to ask too many negative questions.
“You aren’t a weirdo, are you?”
“You don’t fly off the handle easily, do you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Want to see something?”
“Uhh, not really.”
That exchange makes sense too – just not the kind of sense we want to make.
So get her saying yes, and take her to another part of wherever you are – a corner of the club, a table at the bar, a desk at the library. Use physical contact – but slightly undefined. You don’t want to be a schoolmarm about it, but you don’t want to be a lounge lizard either. You don’t want her knowing exactly WHAT it is.
Then, keep going with STEPS. Your goal shouldn’t be to get her in bed, you should try to simply get her to the next STEP. If you say “Let’s ditch the losers you’re hanging out with and have sex in my Chevy,” well, that might work with a few (VERY drunk) women, but for the most part, that ain’t gonna work.
Call it a hunch.
The woman wants to feel that the progression is natural… she wants to be able to tell her girlfriends later “I don’t know how… but it just worked. It just… happened!”
Small steps feel natural.
Sexual propositions in the first five minutes do not.
So once you’ve led her somewhere, lead her again. Take her to a new venue – you don’t need to separate you from her group, nor do you need to diss your buds. You simply need to go somewhere new TOGETHER.
Congratulations. You just reframed the world, and now you’re in it together. Instead of a serious deliberation of whether she wants to go out with you, and her judging the way you play with your jello, you’ve created a bond with her. And you’ve done it in a natural way.
MUCH better.
Next step? Well, usually one place hasn’t cemented the bond, so a second stop is often in order. As the night goes on friends will peel away, but if you’ve created attraction in your target, she won’t.
Yeah, maybe she really DOES have to be up at 4 am to pick up her sister at the airport. Mostly, though, those are just excuses if she’s having second thoughts about the NATURAL progression of the evening. It’s your job to create enough sparks that she will convince herself to stay with you, even if she DOES have a sister coming in on the red-eye.
If the attraction is there, sleep becomes secondary.
Next, you need to get her to your place. Some guys like to “need” a ride since their friends have left earlier, or some like to offer one. Personally, I like to use her car, since it sets you up to arrive at your pad first.
Earlier in the evening, you should have planted a seed excuse to get her inside. Perhaps you’ve talked music and there’s a CD she should borrow… or there’s the video clip you simply must show her… or you could just say “This is fun, let’s keep talking”… whatever it is, it needs to be INSIDE.
By this point in the evening, if you’re expecting to get further, you should have already been physically intimate, probably at the first spot where you met. If you have, once you’ve got her in your dwelling, it should be an easy transition into some serious lurve.
If you haven’t laid the physical groundwork, this can be much more difficult, but it’s still possible. She’ll probably be hesitant to come in (pre-kiss, you’re an assault risk, post-kiss, you’re a guy she’s physically attracted to) but if she does, that probably means she wants to keep going.
This is NOT an excuse to force yourself on the lady. There is NEVER a time that is appropriate… outside SM play, anyway.
That’s not about attraction or sexiness. If you’ve got the chemistry going, she’ll WANT to keep going… and if she doesn’t, that usually means you simply need to step back and build up the sexual tension to a good level.
Get her on the bed. Give her a taste of that massage technique you talked about earlier… that shirt sure does get in the way, doesn’t it? Let’s get rid of that… can you see where this is going?
The important thing is to take everything step by step, making sure she is comfortable at each stop along the way, and most importantly, feeling ATTRACTION. Otherwise, you’ll never make it up the ladder.
If you HAVE got the attraction happening, though, and lead her up a gradual slope with the pinnacle in your bedroom, you’ve just found the way to skip the date and get to the good stuff.
This applies even if it doesn’t occur in a single night – when you meet a woman, you should avoid date situations, and instead go with “I’m doing this, why don’t you come too?” That kind of attitude ALWAYS beats “I’d like to take you out sometime.”
Do it right, and you’ll be able to choose whatever approach you prefer, from pursuing the one night stand to carefully screening the women who MIGHT experience the joy of your bed over a few meetings. Pick your pleasure.
Just steer clear of traditional dates. Unless your goal is an improbable marriage to someone who, for all you know, could be a virgin. Lord knows you’ve never touched her.
If that’s your goal, by the way, stop reading and burn your computer now.
If your goal is to meet a LOT of women and pick one (or more) who are right for you, then keep studying, grasshopper. The above wisdom is useful, but without the proper tools and knowing how to create interpersonal magic with ladies as you choose, it’s a nice dream, is all. If you want to know more about how to create that ATTRACTION and move from sexual tension to bedroom release, you should check out my NEW book, The 3rd Seduction Science Book. Take a look, and see how YOU can consider making out on the dance floor just another step on the way to greater rewards.


Derek Vitalio

The Secrets of Body Language

What do you say when you don’t say anything?
We dance around this topic all the time, but it’s ready for the spotlight: body language. This is the most important thing not just when dealing with women, but with communication period.
Nothing else even comes close.
Wonder why that thick-as-a-post jock got all the women when charming funny nervous sitcom-character-in-waiting guy got nothing in high school?
Body language.
Why James Bond got his pick of the litter and the brilliant Q got more quality time with gadgets?
Body language.
Why that homely busboy at the corner Italian restaurant takes home all the gorgeous patrons and the handsome maitre-de takes home doggy bags?
Garlic. The busboy stank of it and THAT is a huge turn-on.
Just seeing if you were paying attention.
All those other things you THOUGHT did the trick were just extra fuel for the fodder. Body language is the key to EVERYTHING.
Why? Because it is the symptom that tells you everything you need to know about the INSIDE of a person.
It clues you in to the person’s confidence, their openness, even their sexual skills. And if you send out the wrong signals – which most people do – then you’ve given yourself a SERIOUS hole to dig out from.
Conversely, if your movements say the right things you are on top of a BIG mountain that you’d have to work to screw up.
The unfortunate thing is you have a CHOICE about what you say, and most don’t realize it. Or they choose to ignore it and remain “themselves,” as if we are static representations of an image that never changes.
WRONG. WRONG WRONG WRONG! If there was a hand near me, I’d slap it. Good thing I type with my feet.
People are dynamic, and ever-changing. In fact, we are NEVER the same as we were in the past. Those changes show up in our body language, but that doesn’t mean we should abandon control.
If so, we wouldn’t bother with school, riding a bike, and everyone would still be a virgin. After all, we were all virgins once, weren’t we?
Look, there’s a difference between being UNAWARE of something, and being INDIFFERENT. Unaware just means we don’t know what we’re doing with ourselves. Ignorance may be bliss, but it’s not helpful.
Indifference is when you know what’s going on, but you choose to ignore it. WRONG! Where’s that hand!
You can’t be passive all your life and expect things to come to you. The world doesn’t work that way (my apologies to all silver-spooners I’ve offended with this blanket statement that merely applies to 100% of all living things, rounded to the closest .00000001).
You need to be ACTIVE. You need to TAKE CHARGE of your life, and that means taking an ACTIVE role in the changes that happen to you.
They’re coming either way. Personally, I’d rather have a vote.
So no whining about the walk you’ve developed and how that represents YOU as you are now. If that walk doesn’t work, kill it. Time to get a new one.
And there’s a bonus beyond the initial differences that changing your body language communicates to the outside world.
It also can change your inner one.
Seriously, this works. The Japanese have long held the belief that a cluttered home leads to a cluttered mind, and a clean one, a clear one. The outer world touches our inner one, and when you change the way you move, you also change the way you think.
Don’t believe me? Try it. Pick a wall and stand up straight against it. Your feet, butt, shoulders, and head should all touch the wall, exerting about the same amount of pressure (no smooshing). Now walk away from the wall, but hold the pose for 5 minutes.
How do you feel? Right, like someone stuck a pole up your ass. Just what we were going for.
It’s going to feel weird for awhile, because it’s different and new. Keep going, though, and eventually it won’t feel weird. In fact, it’ll start to feel GOOD. You’ll find yourself with this new CONFIDENCE that wasn’t there before and doesn’t seem to have much of an explanation.
Except that you are standing like you are confident. Cause and affect get blurred, and you wind up FEELING a certain way just because you are ACTING that way.
Either way, you look better standing straight, and you project confidence to all comers. Women find you more attractive, even if they aren’t self-aware enough to know why. Co-workers and those around you often might comment that you seem… DIFFERENT.
Congratulations young Jedi, you’re on your way.
Standing up straight is about as basic as it comes, but non-verbal communication goes much deeper.
When you walk and lead with your head, not only are you hunching and sending out uncomfortable self-conscious shrinking vibes, but you’re also telling people that you tend to THINK a lot. Maybe more than you should.
Lead with your stomach, it speaks to your appetites and emotions.
Lead with your pelvis, and it says you are sexually experienced and confident.
This might sound like a lot of new-agey crap, but try it. Walk around for awhile leading with different parts of your body, and notice the changes that happen in your head. It’s real, VERY real. And there’s no reason bad chairs in abandoned classrooms should have more of a say about how you feel than you do.
Those nervous tics, those fidgety hands? Lose ‘em. Every button you finger while talking to someone – especially an attractive woman who’s trying to make a snap judgment about you – is a negative. Every fast jerky motion says you have low self-esteem – it’s like you have to get it done before some stronger guy comes along to stop you.
It’s like the beta wolves trying to feed before the alpha wakes up and wants more – complete with herky-jerky looks to check for his approach. This shit runs deep.
When you make eye-contact and drop it first. Oh god no. In our part of the animal kingdom, this is strong supplicating behavior. There are monkeys which tear the arms off other animals – including humans – if they don’t drop gaze first.
So if you are looking at a woman and look away before she does? You’ve just said she’s in control, and her chances of becoming attracted to you pretty much disappear.
That’s not to say you stare from a far distance. That’s stalker behavior – when far enough away betas get bolder – and she’ll think you a freak. This is about close quarters, the moment before a conversation starts.
Crossing your arms? Stop that. You’re telling everyone to stay away, so don’t be surprised when they do.
Leaning in to your target? Why not just say “I want to have sex with you.” That’s exactly what you’re doing, and most guys do it so early that it’s a major turn-off (unlike once she’s primed, in which case it can start speeding things up).
Standing in her personal space (which for most people is about 18 inches to 3 feet away)? You’re triggering her to run away, which is NOT a feeling you want linked with you. Standing right on the border of her personal space? This can be golden if you do it right, creating a certain tension in her mind although she probably won’t know what from. Much like really needing to piss can lead to a boner, this tension can become sexual.
Standing well outside her personal space and not directing your body at her, remaining somewhat detached? Now that’s good – she’s gonna want to know why she doesn’t have your attention, and might start working to get YOUR approval. Don’tcha love that?
There are thousands of little cues we give off to each other, and the BEST way to learn them is to see them in action. Go out and find some guys doing well with the ladies. Watch them, see what they’re doing with their bodies, and what responses they are getting. If you think you’ve identified a non-verbal communication that signals confidence or sexual prowess or just general alpha-ness, go practice it. Try it out. Odds are you won’t get it the first time, but don’t let that discourage you. There is no better way.
The second-best way, though, is by studying the subject using the material iny my course Non-Verbal Sexual Cueing, now available in audio CD. Everything contained in this newsletter is covered in much greater detail, as well as hundreds of other helpful hints and techniques that will correctly adjust and fine tune the nuances your body language.
Until next time.

Derek Vitalio

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Attract Beautiful Women By Being Unpredictable

We’ve mentioned this a lot, but now the hammer drops.
You CAN’T BE BORING! There is no greater sin when you’re trying to attract beautiful women.
In fact, this is the number one cause of nice guy frienditis. It’s not that women don’t like nice guys – oftentimes those let’s-just-be-friends have some sincerity in them – it’s that nice guys aren’t exciting. They’re predictable.

And let’s face it – almost everyone will pick exciting over pleasant every time. Guys too. How many sites are set up devoted to the hotness of Laura Croft? How many are set up exalting the attributes of Jane Austen heroines? Have you ever even had the patience to finish a Jane Austen novel?
I rest my case.
Nice guys often wind up in this atrocious position where they do everything “right” and his object of affection WANTS to like him… but there just is no spark. She wishes like hell she could dig such a sweet man who would treat her as well as anyone… but she just can’t. Her head is all into you, but her heart is somewhere else.
Her heart is seeking adventure. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to go cliff diving or bungee jumping on a first date (at least not with all women), but it DOES mean you can’t be predictable. You can’t bland and inoffensive – because that path is so obvious she’ll know what you’ll say and do five minutes before you do it.
How long can you watch a painfully formulaic movie before getting annoyed – especially if there aren’t any explosions?
Now, jerks aren’t pleasant people. This isn’t a positive – in fact, it’s the reason they rarely find themselves in long-term or stable relationships, you can only put up with that shit for so long – but what jerks ARE is unpredictable. There are only a few “right” things you can do in any situation; the “wrong” things you can do are basically infinite.
That makes time spent with jerks interesting and exciting – you never know what will happen next. Because the situations usually turn ugly, you don’t stick with a guy like that for too long – but women end up with a major dilemma, because the excitement is like an addictive drug. When it comes to body chemistry, this is LITERALLY true.
Women who find themselves EXTREMELY addicted to this drug are the ones who might wind up in an abusive relationship. They know they shouldn’t be there – but they need that chemical fix.
I don’t know about you, but my aim in life has never been to be an abusive asshole. Even as a young kid I recognized that pricks got more women than they should, and that I would probably increase my success by following that pattern – but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Deep down, most of us ARE nice guys.
What to do?
How about isolate the attraction jerks provoke, without all the other bullshit?
This is where you relaxed playfulness comes in – if you are playing in a fun way, you aren’t being predictable. You aren’t saying what everyone expects – saying what ISN’T expected is one of the major keys to humor.
By extension, if you’ve got a girl laughing, chances are she didn’t expect what just happened. You give her that excitement while SIMULTANEOUSLY creating a pleasant atmosphere. That’s a rare combo. A double-combo knockout punch, if you will. (Note: don’t punch her – unless you’ve got a safe word set up beforehand. Note for idiots: don’t take S/M jokes literally.)
That said, the lady is going to test your character. Lots of times, this will come in the form of demands and requests – both direct and indirect. You want to keep the pleasantness, but you don’t want to give up any machismo or become predictable by instantly caving into her wishes. What to do?
DELAY. This is another key word. It applies to all sorts of aspects of dating, but for now we’re going to focus on spontaneity. Write it down somewhere in your journal.
Then write it down on 10 more pages, at the top, in bold letters. Go ahead and get creative. DELAY.
What do I mean by delay? Let’s say you’re going to dinner, and your lady mentions how much she loves sushi. Don’t say anything, and DON’T go there that night.
But go three weeks later. It shows thoughtfulness – and that you were listening – without any of the wimpy characteristics usually associated with such displays. Plus, she knows not to expect where the night will lead, and not to try and guide it.
She talks about how she loves the beach. Wonderful – take her there when she least expects it, like a Friday night after her work ends and spend a moonlit evening enjoying the waves before swimming the next day.
You get the idea. Pay attention to what she likes, but file it away. Don’t immediately try and fulfill her desires – it gets to be like the Twilight Zone about the gambler who never loses and realizes he’s in hell. But go ahead and fulfill them on YOUR schedule, at unexpected moments.
This is one of the easiest lessons to learn, but also one of the easiest to let slip when crunch time comes. A little whining and most men lose their heads and do whatever is asked of them.
Better is to make it clear that you don’t have time for whining – nicely but firmly – and over time let the lady learn she will get what she wants – when YOU want to give it to her.
By the way, all of this, it counts about a thousand fold when it comes to sex. Few things are sexier than a man who doesn’t lose it at the sight of an exposed breast. If you can control yourself and DELAY satisfaction until you’re ready to give it over, the ANTICIPATION becomes more powerful than ACT ALONE usually is – making the act all the more powerful when it comes.
Yes, I’m still talking about sex. But I’m talking about all the rest of it too. DELAY. Really. Trust me. DELAY.
If you want to experience where getting your seduction skills up to par can take you, check out my courses Seduction Science and Nonverbal Sexual Cuing.
They are literally jam packed with everything you need, in step by step detail, for attracting the most beautiful women you find.
Check them out.

Derek Vitalio

The Art of the Ice-Break

Ok, remember in some of my past newsletters I’ve told you that there are no magic bullets ?there are no amazing pick-up lines that will get you the girl?
Good. I mean it. I really do.
Now let’s work on those lines.
Seriously, WHAT you say isn’t half as important as HOW you say it. Still, it can only help if you are PREPARED.
When you first start working on your flirting, unless you are Joe Cool, you are going to get NERVOUS. That’s alright, it’s just a fact.
Even the best sometimes get nervous in front of a beautiful woman.
The difference between the best and the rest, though, is a man in control knows how to, you guessed it, CONTROL his nerves.
That takes practice, scores of rejections, hundreds of dates? and even then you’ll feel the nerves kick in now and again.
THAT’S why we are going to work on some lines. It’s not the words that are key, it’s the RELAXED CONFIDENCE that comes from knowing you have some good things to say. Knowing that if you’re stuck, you’ve got an out. If you’re nervous enough to froth a cappuccino with your touch, you’ve got a witty something that will escape your brain lock, get her laughing, and get you relaxed.
Plus, funny as you might become, not everyone can riff like Conan O’Brien. And even HE has prepared material.
So, what sort of thing do you want to say to a woman? What are the emotions that you want to get her feeling?
Think about it. Write down your thoughts. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Done it? NO?!! Look, I know this stuff, this is for YOU, and you aren’t getting ANYWHERE without some effort. Screw “I’ll do it in my head,?there is something much more permanent and lasting about a thought committed to paper.
And I’m not just talking about having it on paper. When I was in school, I found that something I took notes on I remembered ?without needing the notes afterwards ?while things I planned to “just remember?always got forgotten. That extra effort now makes a big difference later.
So if you’re serious about improving your game, then get a pencil, because you’ve got WORK to do in this newsletter.
Don’t worry. The pay is great.
Now, I’ll wait one more time, write down what you think a woman WANTS to feel, what feeling will create ATTRACTION in her.
If you’re a regular reader of this newsletter and not a lazy sloth, you’ve probably got something about humor on your list. Why?
Laughter feels GOOD. It shoots seratonin all over your head. It’s a complex reaction ?as near as we can tell, only humans laugh ?and it integrates many parts of the brain. It also RELAXES people and allows them to relax their GUARD.
There is a reason laughter can be called DISARMING. There’s a reason it’s often a reaction to an uncomfortable situation, and that we have dark or gallows humor. Laughter is a RELEASE.
If you get a girl laughing, you make her feel better than she did a moment before. Her world gets sunnier, her defenses descend a smidge (at a time), and she associates that good feeling with YOU.
That’s a powerful combo.
But it doesn’t end there.
I was always a funny guy, but before I figured things out I WASN’T good at attracting women with it. Oh, women LIKED me, they just weren’t ATTRACTED to me.
My humor had two problems that we need to stay away from: one, I was sometimes TOO funny, too GOOFY, and that’s death. Two, I used my humor in such a disarming way that all the tension in conversations was gone. Everyone was happy, relaxed, and completely devoid of that magical TENSION that sexual emotions thrive on.
It was very frustrating. I can feel a lot of nodding heads out there; you aren’t alone.
So I had to come up with a way to keep the tension IN, and USE THAT in my humor.
One day, after enough trial and error, I realized you need some ARROGANCE in there. If you have just the right amount of alphaness it changes your humor from DEFLATING a balloon of tension to something that PUMPS IT UP even more.
When the balloon is ready to explode, look out. You’ve got a wild woman on your hands.
A GREAT way to let that arrogance come out is gentle mocking of whomever you’re talking to ?or even anyone nearby, although ironically you are at greater risk of looking like a jerk by mocking people nearby than if you OPENLY TEASE the girl you’re talking to.
Also, you can’t be afraid to use SEXUAL humor. Most guys are scared of it because, done wrong, you look sleazy ?and most of us have made some errors of judgment in our drunker moments.
But done right, sexual humor increases sexual TENSION exponentially, and makes you look like a confident, experienced stud. The biggest key is making it funny and natural. We’re not looking for crude, we’re looking for sophistication.
Ok, enough theory, how about an example.
Say you’re at a bar, and a woman walks in wearing a dress that’s only over one shoulder, flowing, it almost looks like a toga.
Maybe you say “All you need now is a blindfold and a scale, and you could get away with that dress.? She’ll be surprised, maybe even shocked ? most men don’t talk that way to her, bonus for you, you’re separated from the pack already ? but if she’s got any humor in her, she’ll dissolve into a smile or laughter.
As the interaction continues and if you’re both still playing with your opener, you might follow up with “Wow, I barely know you, and already you’re bringing blindfolds into the relationship? You are a kinky one. I’m sorry, this just isn’t working out, you move too fast for me. After all, I’m more than just a sex toy. I need someone who loves me for me, not just my astounding physique.?(This is even better when you obviously DON’T have an astounding physique.)
At this point, she’ll be enjoying herself, you’ll be making her laugh, you’ll stand out from the crowd, and you’ll be building the sexual tension to an incredible degree.
Or say you see a knockout, you’re talking for a bit, you get her smiling, and then you ask “So what’s it like??/font>
Her: What’s what like?
You: Well, being a beautiful women, you must be able to get all the guys to do whatever you want. What’s that like?
You: (after a shocked pause or a knowing smile, depending on the girl) And what’s it like being with me, knowing that won’t work?
I’ve personally used that one to great affect ?it becomes a funny topic for the rest of the evening. Sometimes I send the woman out on missions to get other guys to buy drinks to give to me! It blows my mind that these guys can see this all happening and they’ll still buy the drinks, thinking somehow that’s impressive.
It’s not. Relaxed confidence is impressive. As is wit.
Later in the night she might be beaming at you after you’ve said something arrogant and playful, and you deadpan with a serious face “You love me.?Or “I hate you.?Or “You’re not one of those stalker ex-girlfriends, are you??/font>
Are you feelin?this? Good.
Get that pen out. It’s sweatin?time.
I want you to think of five places where you see lots of women. Create a page for each place ?if you are keeping an attraction journal, give each one a page.
Now, brainstorm cocky funny things you can say in each situation. Try to come up with five each. Play with them. Take them out for test drives. Get the delivery right ? say these sort of things incorrectly and you could sound like a prick. Say them right, and you sound like a stud.
Get a stable of remarks that you feel comfortable with, and that you know will get a good response most of the time. Perfect them. Make sure you refine your list with responses to comebacks that sharp women will throw at you.
When you’re comfortable with them and can use them to good affect, add more. Your list should keep growing, until one day you outgrow it. With enough practice, you won’t need to think of witty things to say, you will simply BE a wittier person.
REMEMBER though, it isn’t the words as much as the delivery. The right words can help your delivery, and having a ready list can help your confidence. But it’s HOW you say it that matters.
One of my favorite ex-girlfriends I met at a party without ANY words ?we had a playful drama using nothing but facial expressions while I waited to use the bathroom across the room. She couldn’t wait to give me her info.
It’s HOW you say it. Sorry to repeat myself, but that is really the key to it all.
HOW. Ok I’m done.
Of course, if you want to know more about HOW to come across as the confident man that women find attractive, you should check out my Seduction Science program. It’s full of tips to improve ALL aspects of your approach, from the deep inner game to the most extreme outer game, like what lines work best for breaking the ice. Check it out.
Until next time.

Derek Vitalio

Friday, June 15, 2007

What to say and when to say it

Here's a little mind puzzle for you.

If you're looking into a girl's eyes and she says to you, "What do you see," what do you say?
There's many ways to answer her.
But the "right" answer all depends on what stage you are in the seduction with her.
The "right" answer should move the seduction forward to the next step.
For example, when a girl asks you, “What do you see,” do you still need to build more attraction with the girl?
Or do you already have enough attraction and you want to simply build more comfort with her?
Or do you have enough attraction and comfort and are ready to go in for kissing?
If you are still building attraction and social value with the girl, you’ll want to come off as playful and teasing.

Here's an example of a playful teasing response, courtesy of Just Flossin' from the VIP Lounge:
Girl: What do you see?
You: Oh nothing, just looking at my handsome reflection.
This kind of humor with a little tongue-in-cheek arrogance demonstrates to the girl that you're not just going say anything to kiss her ass and aren't needy for her.
You could also just say something absolutely random, almost ignoring the content of what she’s saying. Courtesy of Dansjall, from the Lounge:

Girl: What do you see?
You: Chocolate cake.

Speaking jibberish to a somewhat jibberish question also conveys alpha qualities.
Alternately, you could do a NONVERBAL response where you simply smile, then make funny faces and stick out your tongue at her.
You could also lay a curiosity hook to keep her interested in the interaction, courtesy of Nitin:

Girl: What do you see?
You: I thought you’d never ask… just one word.

Then shut-up and WAIT.
This will get her curiosity going and you can launch into other topics of conversations. She won’t go anywhere though because you have her reeled in with the curiosity hook.
If she asks you again for the answer...

Girl: Please tell me... what is it that you see?
You: I’m not gonna tell you...orYou: What, you don’t know, that’s too bad haha. ;)

If you already have social value and attraction built with the girl, something like “What do you see,” is more likely an open invitation to a kiss. Courtesy of Lounge member Thuwacker:

Girl: What do you see?
You: When I look into your eyes I... feel this warmth... running all throughout my entire body. It’s like I get lost in the moment... time stops... everything around me is meaningless... it’s like your brain is hijacking mine... and I don't want to look away... I could look into your eyes... and just stay in this moment... forever.
Then kiss her.

Or you can simply tell her to close her eyes and then kiss her.
Let’s say the girl ALREADY has a sexual relationship with you. In this case, you could use her question as an opportunity to build sexual intimacy with her in the bedroom by connecting your eye contact with her directly to sex. Courtesy of a regular contributor:

Girl: What do you see?
You: When I look into your eyes, I see myself… and you… at the same time… and it makes me… feel like… hmmm… I’ll tell you later.

Then, next time you’re having sex with her, look into her eyes and ask her if she understands how you feel when you look into her eyes.
As you can see, the same question by a girl can have a wide variety of responses, depending on where you are in your relationship with her.
“What do you see,” can be your opportunity to build social value and attraction through playful teasing, can be your opportunity to hook her with curiosity through the conversation, can be your opportunity to begin kissing her, or can be your opportunity to heighten the lovemaking experience.
And when you read The 3rd Seduction Science System you'll learn how to carry yourself and interact with women through ALL the stages of the seduction process.
You'll also become a member of the fast growing VIP Lounge and get personalized advice and help from myself and the other members.
How do you get good at having beautiful women in your life? Like anything else in life - by seeking out the best and modeling them.
Now's the time!