You know why most guys can’t get dates?
Because they try to get dates.
You think I’m going to talk to you about some Buddhist you-can’t-get-what-you-most-want thing here, and I am, in a way.
Just not the way you expect it.
Listen, if you set yourself up in a “date” situation, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re giving her an opportunity to say no. Even if you get the “yes,” you are setting yourself for an awkward encounter.
Most of all, you’re setting yourself up for judgment.
That’s not we do here in seduction science land.
You don’t want to activate her rational mind – you’re just asking for a whole slew of bad things to happen.
Her rational mind is the one that goes about picking mates. And unless you REALLY like spending months unsatisfied and a large floral bill, that isn’t the way to go.
You can start a relationship with a girl WITHOUT all that if you want… and you can have a purely physical relationship with a girl without all that, if you want. You have to trigger her on an emotional level. An attraction level.
And that means, NO DATES. The world’s a funny place.
So what do you do instead? You go on INSTANT dates.
Let me explain.
If you’re conversing with a girl and everything is going well, LEAD her somewhere. It can just be across the room, but LEADING is a powerful thing. More than you’d ever guess.
Say “Hey, I want to show you something.” Or “I want to tell you something.” Take her hand – if she returns a squeeze you know you’re in – and then have a little nugget ready to legitimize your leading. It can be a silly prop you carry with you, or a charming line you’ve worked out, just make sure it isn’t TOO corny. Be the good boy scout we all know you are, and be prepared for this.
By the way, if you’ve made out a little by this point, that’s a teeny help. As you might imagine.
If you feel a little strange doing this leading, then get her ready to accept it. How? Get her saying yes.
“Do you like to have fun?”
“Yes.”
“Are you adventurous?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t show everyone this, but want to see something special?”
“Yes!”
That was easy, wasn’t it? People tend to feed off patterns, and if you get her agreeing with you, her natural tendency will be to continue.
By comparison, you don’t want to ask too many negative questions.
“You aren’t a weirdo, are you?”
“No!”
“You don’t fly off the handle easily, do you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Want to see something?”
“Uhh, not really.”
That exchange makes sense too – just not the kind of sense we want to make.
So get her saying yes, and take her to another part of wherever you are – a corner of the club, a table at the bar, a desk at the library. Use physical contact – but slightly undefined. You don’t want to be a schoolmarm about it, but you don’t want to be a lounge lizard either. You don’t want her knowing exactly WHAT it is.
Then, keep going with STEPS. Your goal shouldn’t be to get her in bed, you should try to simply get her to the next STEP. If you say “Let’s ditch the losers you’re hanging out with and have sex in my Chevy,” well, that might work with a few (VERY drunk) women, but for the most part, that ain’t gonna work.
Call it a hunch.
The woman wants to feel that the progression is natural… she wants to be able to tell her girlfriends later “I don’t know how… but it just worked. It just… happened!”
Small steps feel natural.
Sexual propositions in the first five minutes do not.
So once you’ve led her somewhere, lead her again. Take her to a new venue – you don’t need to separate you from her group, nor do you need to diss your buds. You simply need to go somewhere new TOGETHER.
Congratulations. You just reframed the world, and now you’re in it together. Instead of a serious deliberation of whether she wants to go out with you, and her judging the way you play with your jello, you’ve created a bond with her. And you’ve done it in a natural way.
MUCH better.
Next step? Well, usually one place hasn’t cemented the bond, so a second stop is often in order. As the night goes on friends will peel away, but if you’ve created attraction in your target, she won’t.
Yeah, maybe she really DOES have to be up at 4 am to pick up her sister at the airport. Mostly, though, those are just excuses if she’s having second thoughts about the NATURAL progression of the evening. It’s your job to create enough sparks that she will convince herself to stay with you, even if she DOES have a sister coming in on the red-eye.
If the attraction is there, sleep becomes secondary.
Next, you need to get her to your place. Some guys like to “need” a ride since their friends have left earlier, or some like to offer one. Personally, I like to use her car, since it sets you up to arrive at your pad first.
Earlier in the evening, you should have planted a seed excuse to get her inside. Perhaps you’ve talked music and there’s a CD she should borrow… or there’s the video clip you simply must show her… or you could just say “This is fun, let’s keep talking”… whatever it is, it needs to be INSIDE.
By this point in the evening, if you’re expecting to get further, you should have already been physically intimate, probably at the first spot where you met. If you have, once you’ve got her in your dwelling, it should be an easy transition into some serious lurve.
If you haven’t laid the physical groundwork, this can be much more difficult, but it’s still possible. She’ll probably be hesitant to come in (pre-kiss, you’re an assault risk, post-kiss, you’re a guy she’s physically attracted to) but if she does, that probably means she wants to keep going.
This is NOT an excuse to force yourself on the lady. There is NEVER a time that is appropriate… outside SM play, anyway.
That’s not about attraction or sexiness. If you’ve got the chemistry going, she’ll WANT to keep going… and if she doesn’t, that usually means you simply need to step back and build up the sexual tension to a good level.
Get her on the bed. Give her a taste of that massage technique you talked about earlier… that shirt sure does get in the way, doesn’t it? Let’s get rid of that… can you see where this is going?
The important thing is to take everything step by step, making sure she is comfortable at each stop along the way, and most importantly, feeling ATTRACTION. Otherwise, you’ll never make it up the ladder.
If you HAVE got the attraction happening, though, and lead her up a gradual slope with the pinnacle in your bedroom, you’ve just found the way to skip the date and get to the good stuff.
This applies even if it doesn’t occur in a single night – when you meet a woman, you should avoid date situations, and instead go with “I’m doing this, why don’t you come too?” That kind of attitude ALWAYS beats “I’d like to take you out sometime.”
Do it right, and you’ll be able to choose whatever approach you prefer, from pursuing the one night stand to carefully screening the women who MIGHT experience the joy of your bed over a few meetings. Pick your pleasure.
Just steer clear of traditional dates. Unless your goal is an improbable marriage to someone who, for all you know, could be a virgin. Lord knows you’ve never touched her.
If that’s your goal, by the way, stop reading and burn your computer now.
If your goal is to meet a LOT of women and pick one (or more) who are right for you, then keep studying, grasshopper. The above wisdom is useful, but without the proper tools and knowing how to create interpersonal magic with ladies as you choose, it’s a nice dream, is all. If you want to know more about how to create that ATTRACTION and move from sexual tension to bedroom release, you should check out my NEW book, The 3rd Seduction Science Book. Take a look, and see how YOU can consider making out on the dance floor just another step on the way to greater rewards.
Because they try to get dates.
You think I’m going to talk to you about some Buddhist you-can’t-get-what-you-most-want thing here, and I am, in a way.
Just not the way you expect it.
Listen, if you set yourself up in a “date” situation, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You’re giving her an opportunity to say no. Even if you get the “yes,” you are setting yourself for an awkward encounter.
Most of all, you’re setting yourself up for judgment.
That’s not we do here in seduction science land.
You don’t want to activate her rational mind – you’re just asking for a whole slew of bad things to happen.
Her rational mind is the one that goes about picking mates. And unless you REALLY like spending months unsatisfied and a large floral bill, that isn’t the way to go.
You can start a relationship with a girl WITHOUT all that if you want… and you can have a purely physical relationship with a girl without all that, if you want. You have to trigger her on an emotional level. An attraction level.
And that means, NO DATES. The world’s a funny place.
So what do you do instead? You go on INSTANT dates.
Let me explain.
If you’re conversing with a girl and everything is going well, LEAD her somewhere. It can just be across the room, but LEADING is a powerful thing. More than you’d ever guess.
Say “Hey, I want to show you something.” Or “I want to tell you something.” Take her hand – if she returns a squeeze you know you’re in – and then have a little nugget ready to legitimize your leading. It can be a silly prop you carry with you, or a charming line you’ve worked out, just make sure it isn’t TOO corny. Be the good boy scout we all know you are, and be prepared for this.
By the way, if you’ve made out a little by this point, that’s a teeny help. As you might imagine.
If you feel a little strange doing this leading, then get her ready to accept it. How? Get her saying yes.
“Do you like to have fun?”
“Yes.”
“Are you adventurous?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t show everyone this, but want to see something special?”
“Yes!”
That was easy, wasn’t it? People tend to feed off patterns, and if you get her agreeing with you, her natural tendency will be to continue.
By comparison, you don’t want to ask too many negative questions.
“You aren’t a weirdo, are you?”
“No!”
“You don’t fly off the handle easily, do you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Want to see something?”
“Uhh, not really.”
That exchange makes sense too – just not the kind of sense we want to make.
So get her saying yes, and take her to another part of wherever you are – a corner of the club, a table at the bar, a desk at the library. Use physical contact – but slightly undefined. You don’t want to be a schoolmarm about it, but you don’t want to be a lounge lizard either. You don’t want her knowing exactly WHAT it is.
Then, keep going with STEPS. Your goal shouldn’t be to get her in bed, you should try to simply get her to the next STEP. If you say “Let’s ditch the losers you’re hanging out with and have sex in my Chevy,” well, that might work with a few (VERY drunk) women, but for the most part, that ain’t gonna work.
Call it a hunch.
The woman wants to feel that the progression is natural… she wants to be able to tell her girlfriends later “I don’t know how… but it just worked. It just… happened!”
Small steps feel natural.
Sexual propositions in the first five minutes do not.
So once you’ve led her somewhere, lead her again. Take her to a new venue – you don’t need to separate you from her group, nor do you need to diss your buds. You simply need to go somewhere new TOGETHER.
Congratulations. You just reframed the world, and now you’re in it together. Instead of a serious deliberation of whether she wants to go out with you, and her judging the way you play with your jello, you’ve created a bond with her. And you’ve done it in a natural way.
MUCH better.
Next step? Well, usually one place hasn’t cemented the bond, so a second stop is often in order. As the night goes on friends will peel away, but if you’ve created attraction in your target, she won’t.
Yeah, maybe she really DOES have to be up at 4 am to pick up her sister at the airport. Mostly, though, those are just excuses if she’s having second thoughts about the NATURAL progression of the evening. It’s your job to create enough sparks that she will convince herself to stay with you, even if she DOES have a sister coming in on the red-eye.
If the attraction is there, sleep becomes secondary.
Next, you need to get her to your place. Some guys like to “need” a ride since their friends have left earlier, or some like to offer one. Personally, I like to use her car, since it sets you up to arrive at your pad first.
Earlier in the evening, you should have planted a seed excuse to get her inside. Perhaps you’ve talked music and there’s a CD she should borrow… or there’s the video clip you simply must show her… or you could just say “This is fun, let’s keep talking”… whatever it is, it needs to be INSIDE.
By this point in the evening, if you’re expecting to get further, you should have already been physically intimate, probably at the first spot where you met. If you have, once you’ve got her in your dwelling, it should be an easy transition into some serious lurve.
If you haven’t laid the physical groundwork, this can be much more difficult, but it’s still possible. She’ll probably be hesitant to come in (pre-kiss, you’re an assault risk, post-kiss, you’re a guy she’s physically attracted to) but if she does, that probably means she wants to keep going.
This is NOT an excuse to force yourself on the lady. There is NEVER a time that is appropriate… outside SM play, anyway.
That’s not about attraction or sexiness. If you’ve got the chemistry going, she’ll WANT to keep going… and if she doesn’t, that usually means you simply need to step back and build up the sexual tension to a good level.
Get her on the bed. Give her a taste of that massage technique you talked about earlier… that shirt sure does get in the way, doesn’t it? Let’s get rid of that… can you see where this is going?
The important thing is to take everything step by step, making sure she is comfortable at each stop along the way, and most importantly, feeling ATTRACTION. Otherwise, you’ll never make it up the ladder.
If you HAVE got the attraction happening, though, and lead her up a gradual slope with the pinnacle in your bedroom, you’ve just found the way to skip the date and get to the good stuff.
This applies even if it doesn’t occur in a single night – when you meet a woman, you should avoid date situations, and instead go with “I’m doing this, why don’t you come too?” That kind of attitude ALWAYS beats “I’d like to take you out sometime.”
Do it right, and you’ll be able to choose whatever approach you prefer, from pursuing the one night stand to carefully screening the women who MIGHT experience the joy of your bed over a few meetings. Pick your pleasure.
Just steer clear of traditional dates. Unless your goal is an improbable marriage to someone who, for all you know, could be a virgin. Lord knows you’ve never touched her.
If that’s your goal, by the way, stop reading and burn your computer now.
If your goal is to meet a LOT of women and pick one (or more) who are right for you, then keep studying, grasshopper. The above wisdom is useful, but without the proper tools and knowing how to create interpersonal magic with ladies as you choose, it’s a nice dream, is all. If you want to know more about how to create that ATTRACTION and move from sexual tension to bedroom release, you should check out my NEW book, The 3rd Seduction Science Book. Take a look, and see how YOU can consider making out on the dance floor just another step on the way to greater rewards.
Regards,
Derek Vitalio
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