First Initial Steps to Win Her Back - Get Your Ex Back Fast


Some says: If you know what women want, you can rule the world.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Secrets of Making a Woman Attracted To You

The best way to a woman’s heart isn’t her stomach, nor her mother – it’s her confusion. You want a woman to wonder just a little bit where she stands with you, and to create a dynamic where she ends up coming some of the distance to feel YOU out. The best way to do this? Pushing and Pulling.
Inside the hearts of men…
There’s a Twilight Zone about a gambler who dies, and winds up in an ethereal casino.
He starts playing, and he’s winning every time, and he’s sayin’ ‘Alright! I made it to heaven!’
Then time keeps on passing, and he keeps winning and winning and never losing… until he realizes ‘Shit, I’m actually in hell.’
What exactly does that have to do with attracting women? Quite a lot, actually.
Simply put, we humans like getting what we want… but not if it’s TOO easy. If something just falls into our lap without a fight or without effort, it suddenly loses some worth. Maybe we start to reassess our first judgment, we question if it’s really worth having.
After all, if it’s this easy, then everyone would be doing it. IF it’s worth it.
Not to mention, the journey helps CREATE the worth – the more you fight for it, the more you’ll savor it.
And I’m telling you this because…?
Don’t give it up too easily
Creating worth is ALL about attracting women.
If this were the 50s and I was a mom speaking to a daughter, I’d probably tell you to play hard-to-get.
But it’s the 21st century, I’m pretty sure you’re not my daughter and I KNOW I’m not your mom, so we need something more sophisticated. And as a man, we need to be more proactive, less passive about our chances.
We need to push. And pull. Make the woman feel like a yo-yo. It’ll drive her crazy – in all the right ways, all ways which are not only PART of a successful mating dance, they’re the MOST important steps.
Let me explain a bit.
Pushing and Pulling
What’s a pull? When you say something which is hopefully a bit cocky, playful, and funny all at the same time. Like she laughs at one of your jokes, you pause, give her a half-smile and say ‘You love me.’ or ‘I want a small wedding, ok?’ or ‘That was easy – all we need now is a little privacy and a soft surface. Or do you like it hard?’
Get it? Make assumptions about how attractive you are, how much she wants to jump your bones, and use all that to PULL her towards you. Let her know how lucky she is to have found you.
And at the same time, push. Let her know it’ll never work out. Say she tells you she only dates rich men, and she asks if you’re rich. ‘Nope. In fact, you’re paying for the next six rounds. That guy over there has an expensive shirt on, maybe you should hook up with him.’
Or if she says she likes bad boys, ‘Oh, my momma wouldn’t approve. I guess the wedding’s off – if that’s what momma says, of course.’
Basically, WHATEVER she says she looks for in a man, go ahead and play the OPPOSITE.
In words only we’re talking about. This is called flirting.
Every time you PULL with a compliment, you’ve got to PUSH with a tease. The vaguer and more possibly true, the better. If you’ve given a SINCERE compliment (as they all should be anyway), you’ve REALLY got to work on PUSHING HARD with something negative.
Something like ‘I’m not surprised YOU’D say that.’
‘I’m not telling.’
‘I don’t know you well enough – and I don’t want to hurt your feelings.’
‘See, you’re doing it again.’
Don’t be nasty, be fun – and mysterious
Remember, you want to keep everything PLAYFUL. That’s the key to making everything work.
She shouldn’t have any idea if you’re serious – with both the pushes and the pulls. You’ve got to keep her guessing the whole time.
This is EXACTLY where you want her mind to be – it both causes her to devote a LOT more mental energy to you than she would otherwise, AND it makes you more interesting. Complex. And fun.
That very complexity, interest, and fun GREATLY increases your worth.
Many of the women who were MOST into me were those who LEAST knew where they stood. As you practice this, you’ll find out it’s a VERY powerful tool.
Don’t be a jerk
One of the other things it sometimes does is create INSECURITY in the woman. Now, a little insecurity can be a good thing – it adds spice, keeps everything from becoming boring and monotonous, like with our gambling friend.
But you don’t want to be cruel, and TOO MUCH insecurity can damage both the lady and your relationship with her. Don’t take this too far. If she seems to be getting genuinely upset, it’s time to pull a little bit – ‘Hey, don’t worry so much, look who I’ve decided to spend my valuable time with.’
But in general, men do WAY too much pulling, making it clear how awesome they find a woman and how much they want to be with her. Chances are very good your pulling skills (Vitalio usage) are overdeveloped.
Work in the weak link - pushing
So instead, my assignment to you is to work on your PUSHING skills. Think of different ways to say to her ‘Hey, I know the sun doesn’t shine out your ass. And I don’t need you – I can pull (British usage) a woman any time I like. And I’m not convinced we’re right for each other.’
Hint: the less you use words, the better this will work. Body language – like not facing her, or flirting with other women – is often MUCH more powerful.
So today (or tomorrow, but don’t wait any longer) go find a woman you’re VERY attracted to. And figure out a way to keep her engaged while at the same time PUSHING HARD.
You’ll get the balance between push and pull as time passes, but for the moment, practice those playful pushing maneuvers. Remember to keep it FUN – once it’s not, you’re just a bastard. Which can work – it’s one of the reasons bastards get more than their fair share of chicks – but not something I’d recommend on a human level.
Push-Pull in relationships (fledgling or otherwise)
One other thing – as you get to know a woman better and you enter the rapport stage, you shouldn’t lose the push-pull dynamic, but it should morph a bit. Into something more like reward and punishment – so you REMAIN an interesting challenge, but you use it to teach her what kind of behavior is acceptable for you.
For instance, if she’s been great, you can take her to eat her favorite food. If she’s acting moody and bitchy, you can cut your time together short – ‘I don’t appreciate this kind of behavior, and I don’t deserve it. I’ll call you later when it’s out of your system.’
Reward and punishment is a little trickier, and we’ll deal with it again at a later time. For now, focus on learning to PUSH just as well as you’ve learned to PULL.
And if you want to know more about this dynamic and how it affects other aspects of dating – up to and especially including SEX – you should check out my course SeductionScience , full of perfect examples of BOTH behaviors being used in the right way. Nothing can teach you better than trial and error in your own situations – but the next best thing is seeing how OTHERS use tactics successfully. Check it out.

Derek Vitalio

All You Have To Do Is… Act Naturally.

Most guys are either too nervous or too fake when approaching ladies. But states have significant drawbacks. The only way to defeat all those problems and have success every time is to act in a natural way. Easier said than done… but, using some of the skills I can teach you, perfectly doable.
In the Wish-I-Forgot mists of time…
I want you to take a moment and step into that time machine we call memory, and travel back to the first time you approached a girl.
Or the first time you talked to a girl with romantic intent – maybe calling her off your junior high phone list, whatever.
Now, fine-tune that machine and don’t glaze over a thing – get deeper than the facts and acts, examine the emotions and colors?
What do you see?
Does it, perhaps, involve sweaty palms and a clumsy tongue?
Eyes cast downward and body twitchy?
Thought so.
Now, much less taxing, think back to the most RECENT encounter you’ve had with a woman.
Your mom doesn’t count.
What was it like?
Was it similar to your first in any way?
Did you get jittery, even if only for a second?
Did you TALK to her while nervous?
That ain’t good.
The problem with nerves
We ALL get nervous occasionally – usually in a nice simple relationship to our experience and her attractiveness.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that nervousness isn’t a good thing – in fact, it’s about the WORST thing you can carry into a pick-up. Any chance of being thought of as confident or together is gone, instantly.
Now, dealing with it isn’t as easy as realizing it’s a problem.
Now the REAL nut is, nerves aren’t the only thing you have to worry about.
Playing the game?
Lots of guys have come up with their own ways to push the nerves to the side – whether it’s putting on a different persona, psyching themselves up, getting into a war mentality or what-have-you.
True, this works a little better than the big stutter – since at least you’re making contact.
But also true, if you are acting differently from your normal, non-flirting self, a woman will know it.
And unless you’ve got an indiscriminately randy lady on your hands, that false front is ALWAYS going to cause problems.
That’s why it ain’t enough to simply be RELAXED, you’ve also got to be NATURAL.
Act naturally
The biggest key, of course, is defeating your nerves.
One of the BEST methods I’ve found is through a little self-guided meditation.
I’m not going to give away all my secrets, BUT I can tell you the basics.
Once you’ve got yourself in the right state, you call up both your nervous emotions, and then your positive relaxed ones.
Then, you CONSUME your negative thoughts with your positive ones.
The result is, whenever you start to get those butterflies, you’ve conditioned yourself to call up POSITIVE RELAXED states.
Now, that might seem like the toughest part, and indeed, for you it might be.
Lose the mask
But if you’ve developed a player mode to help get rid of your flutters, than deprogramming this damaging behavior might take even more time.
Why? Because, in comparison to your earlier attempts, it’s done the job. Sure, it actually hurts in the larger scheme, but you’re used to thinking of it as something that works (albeit in a scattershot way).
When you encounter a stumbling block, you’re going to be REALLY tempted to revert.
You’ve created a comfort around this persona, and UNLESS you concentrate, your head is going to keep returning to it.
Unlike with nerves, which has NEVER had any positive reinforcement.
So now, let’s work on CONVINCING yourself that a NATURAL approach is the way to go.
Role-play time… don’t enjoy it TOO much
Say you’re a woman.
Alright, stop fondling your breasts and get serious.
Two guys come up to you, identical in nearly every way.
The only difference is, one seems to be living his life, while the other seems to be chasing you.
Which one are you more likely to be attracted to?
Yeah, whenever you put on your player mask, you are telling the woman you WANT HER. BAD.
You create a chase scenario – with you as the pursuer.
Don’t chase
It’s human nature to run when you’re being chased.
What’s more, there’s none of that sparkling mystery involved. You want her, so she can have you whenever she feels like it. Simple as that.
Compare this to the same dude, just as cool, just as charming, but he isn’t chasing you.
He’s fun without forcing it, and doesn’t have an ulterior motive.
He is who he is.
Not to mention, there’s a good bit of intrigue.
Make her think… and WORK for your attention. Don’t give it away.
‘I mean,’ the female you thinks, ‘most guys throw themselves at me. But not this one, I wonder if he’s even interested? I wonder if I can GET him interested?’
You don’t have to watch a lot of teen flicks to know guys prefer the unreachable lady, and ladies reject guys who obviously worship them.
In the movies often the guys and gals end up with the one they’re ‘supposed’ to be with and not the one who’s out of reach.
That’s not usually the way it REALLY works, though.
And even in the movies the unreachable bitchy hottie needs to BECOME reachable before she’s rejected.
As long as she’s out of reach – or thought of that way – she’s more alluring.
And it works the same way with ladies.
Put on your player face, and you are COMPLETELY reachable. And where’s the fun in that?
Again, saying it’s good to be natural and actually ACTING naturally around hot women is a very different thing. And again, if you want in on the secrets that will make all the difference, you should check out my program Opening Magic. It will change everything for you.
Derek Vitalio
Seduction Sciences

The Curiosity Hook

Conversing is hard, sometimes. Sometimes you just run out of things to say. And when this happens while you’re trying to attract a beautiful woman, it usually means death. UNLESS, of course, you are prepared with a few useful tricks to keep ANY conversation exciting and interesting, and get HER to pursue it. Once you know the way to do it, it’s easy. Hook her.
Of TV producers and women
Question: How do you know a commercial is coming up?
Answer: Egg timers. I always keep a few near my set to help time my beer and bathroom runs.
Eh, not so much.
Still, I can almost always tell when a commercial is coming. So can you. You know, the music swells, the drama builds, something important is about… to… happen… Pringles?!! Damn, I’ll have to wait.
This is where the term ‘cliffhanger’ comes from. Producers didn’t take too long to figure out the key to keeping viewers watching over ads – ask a question that they want to see answered.
And you know what? It works. It works so well, that I bet you YOURSELF have watched shows you didn’t care about, looking back on you thought they were bad to atrocious, putrid, the worst kind of TV… but you wound up sitting through the whole thing because there was always a question you wanted the answer to.
And then once you got the ‘next,’ you stuck around for the next next.
It wouldn’t surprise me if you did it this week. Today.
Hell, you could be doing it right now.
ALL TV shows use this technique, because it works REALLY well.
And you know what? You should too.
The deadly silence
Obviously, it’s best to be a master conversationalist, able to turn any topic into witty gold and any situation into magic charm.
But even the BEST conversationalist is occasionally going to find himself without something to talk about. And anyone whose skills are short of the best will find their verbal well dry a LOT more often.
When you’re trying to pick up a woman, this is VERY dangerous. She’s making snap judgments, you’ve got to prove yourself quick and attract her, keep her interest, all while the world moves around her and other men come and go (especially in bars, clubs, and the like).
You can’t think of a THING, the silence is getting awkward, and suddenly she’s saying ‘Nice to meet you,’ shaking your hand (don’t you hate when a romantic possibility shakes your hand?) and walking out of your life.
What could you have done?
Hook her, baby. Cliffhang the lady.
Elevate your game
I LOVE this technique. Even if you’ve got all the social skill of untrained apes, master the hook and women will inexplicably find themselves interested in what you’re saying.
If you can carry yourself in a halfway-decent manner, a well-placed hook or two will GREATLY magnify her interest and, subsequently, attraction.
Alright, so what kind of hook am I talking about, anyway? It’s not like you’ll keep the girl staring at you wondering if you’re going to get shot or if you’ll find a way out of the cave, is it?
No, the hooks I’m talking about hint at INFORMATION, knowledge and a future conversation that she WANTS to have.
For example, one of my favorite hooks is ‘You know, I’ve noticed something very interesting about you. I bet no one else has ever noticed it.’
That’s it. That’s all I’ll say.
Turn the tables
Now of course she wants to know what I’ve seen, what this mysterious interesting thing could be. And I can tell her.
Or I can string it along, say something like ‘I don’t know if I should tell you. I don’t know you well enough, maybe you can’t handle it.’
Now she actively WANTS to get to know you better, just so she can PROVE she can handle it and hear this unseen tidbit spoken.
Think about what that kind of attitude does for you.
Yep. It makes EVERYTHING easier. You don’t need to win her over any more – she’s HOOKED, and now she’ll be trying to win YOU over.
I call this the curiosity hook, and there are thousands more just like them.
Your mission, should you choose yada yada ya
So today, a little bit of homework. I want you to think of at least five curiosity hooks you can use to get a girl INTERESTED, but at the same time leave her wanting more.
Usually the topic will be her or her personality – basically EVERYONE is curious about how they appear to others – but beyond that, go wild. Tease. Be gentle. Be funny. Barely mention it. Harp on it. Fool around with this basic idea and come up with a bunch of ways to deliver it and get the girl interested.
Chances are good as you try them out, you’ll find certain ones work best with certain types of girls. So you’ll need your whole repertoire to be able to get that hook bit by all the different kinds of women in the world.
Hook… but also SATISFY
BUT, that’s not the end.
Sure, the cliffhanger might keep you watching, but it doesn’t help you like the show.
Not only do you need to hook her INTEREST, you need to eventually SAY something interesting and insightful. That’s what the lead-up is all about, and you don’t want her to be let down.
Luckily, this is a pretty easy thing. How can that be?
Well, humans are in general very similar, and there are a number of things you can say that will fit almost ANYONE. This is what fortune tellers do when they give a cold reading.
You go from there by paying attention to the reaction you get – and more deeply explore the things the girl finds interesting.
Like one of my favorites is ‘You put on a brave front, but actually a lot of the time you feel lonely. Your beauty creates a wall around you – some women are jealous, and most men act weird and only see your outer shell. Few people ever bother to look at the real you.’
Does that sound like you (aside from the beauty part)? Does it sound like something almost anyone could say about themselves?
Then, you pay attention to which part REALLY perks her. Does she start when you talk about women’s jealousy? You can bet she has gone through a period of ostracism by other women. The part about being treated like meat? She’s probably been harassed – either very badly or very recently (ALL beautiful women are harassed at some point, sadly, so if it was mild or long ago she probably wouldn’t react much – par for the course).
See how this works?
So, start thinking about various generic things you start with that will be true for most women – get inside their heads, think about common experiences, and go from there.
Don’t stop with just one scenario – you’ll always be able to find someone you can tell straight-off it won’t fit, and besides, many women will want to share your insight with friends.
You don’t want to get caught telling people the same thing.
Plus, you’ll want to repeat this exercise more than once on a girl.
Other than that, remember the most important part is the HOOK. Even more than the insight – because you’ve got to build the thing up first to REALLY make it magic.
And if you DO build it up, it WILL be magic.
If you want to learn more about how to use quality hooks and get get deep into the psyche of woman, you should check out my course: Seduction Science.

Your Friend,
Derek Vitalio


So many guys think you can improve your sexual quality by learning all sorts of special techniques. Sure, those are nice – but they’re closer to window dressing than the heart of the matter. What you REALLY need to do is engage her brain, activate her fantasies – and become that which TRULY turns her on.
You’ll like this exercise
I want you to close your eyes. I want you to close your eyes and continue reading through squinty eyelids that you shut whenever you get enough info to run with it.
Now, I want you to think of the HOTTEST image you can.
It can be something you’ve done, something you’ve seen done, or just something you’ve dreamt of doing.
Paint the full picture. Really let yourself go, get randy, get to the point where it’s tough to just sit there without doing something ABOUT this amazing fantasy.
Once you’ve gotten the picture firmly in your head and you’ve, uh, concluded it, take a few moments to reflect.
What was it about the fantasy that turned you on?
It’s not the size of the wave, OR the motion of the ocean?
Now I don’t claim to have ANY idea what you personally find exciting, but I’m prepared to make a few generalities that will almost CERTAINLY apply.
It might have been location-specific, or person-specific, or attitude-specific.
But it wasn’t technique-specific.
What I mean by this is, you might have been on a secluded beach with three other ladies lapping at you – but you weren’t concerned with the exact motion of the flicks of their tongues (even if you know it through vivid imagination).
If you were making out, it might have been the EXCITEMENT of doing it in a hotel pool with lots of balconies around – but not the pattern of suction she applied to your lips.
Or if you were eating sushi off some naked Asian beauty, it was the fact that you were EATING SUSHI OFF SOME NAKED ASIAN BEAUTY, and didn’t have much to do with how you held the chopsticks.
Where are we going here?
Technique isn’t important. Ok, it’s important – but only in a secondary kind of way.
You’ve been duped too long!
‘Wait,’ you think, ‘What about Susie Q. who did this thing it drove me wild, that was technique!’
Yeah, that can happen. But only when you already LIKE someone, for the most part. Susie Q. already got you excited – so you were LOOKING for something to turn you wild. You were just helping her along.
Now, there are rare instances of a woman who has such AMAZING technique that she’ll keep her men around just for that.
But trust me, those are EXTREMELY rare instances, both because of the skill necessary and because, well, most men need something MORE than the pure physical pleasure of pleasing touches.
Don’t get me wrong, the pleasing touches are wonderful – they just can’t do the job alone.
Now, bearing in mind what it is that REALLY turns men on, remember this – for women, it’s even MORE about the fantasy and LESS the physicality.
Up to ten times more, in some cases.
And what is it that most books or programs try to teach a man to help his sex life?
Yep, techniques.
Hey, it can be handy to know the 1 o’clock hot spot or the Frisbee hold… in the same way it can be handy to know where the salad fork goes.
These things can help make an event that much more special, but if you can’t COOK, they don’t mean much.
So, sexually, how do you COOK?
Simple. You’ve got to plug into your lady’s brain.
Engage her mind, find out and then ACT OUT her fantasies. Don’t worry so much about stroke order until you’ve mastered the more ephemeral parts of sex.
And how do you do that?
If I had to sum it up in two words, I’d say Inner Confidence.
You need to be so COMFORTABLE in your sexual skin that you RELAX her. So OPEN and at ease that you bypass her nerves and shyness (and most women – even gregarious ones – are shy when you get to sexual fantasies).
You need to make her feel ok being open and vulnerable with you. And you do that not through cooing and being a girlie-man – but by being open and confident and completely natural about everything.
And then you need to LEAD her.
If her comfort and trust are what open the door, you’ve gotta take her hand and help her through it.
Think about it – you can NEVER achieve this sort of openness and freedom with another spontaneously or just because you WANT to – it MUST be actively brought out by your partner.
And then, once you’ve got access to her fantasies, start making them come TRUE. Trust me, if you truly get in her head, you can make a woman orgasm without even TOUCHING her.
And if you’ve got a lady having that much fun, she’s going to INSIST on sharing the pleasure.
So now you know WHAT to do – the question is HOW?
Where’s that recipe?
The answer is from WITHIN yourself. This is entirely an inside-to-outside enterprise.
To get at the BEST way to find your sexual confidence and fulfill your ladies’ fantasies, check out my program, Blissnosis.
In addition to helping you become the most confident kind of man, it covers literally HUNDREDS of other aspects of dating and romance. Best of all, it’s focused where most other books leave off – how to fulfill and KEEP a good woman satisfied and begging for more once you’ve found her.
Of course it will ALSO help you with every step from meeting to bedding – but nowhere else will you get truer advice on how to create and have a GREAT LASTING relationship – that is, if you aren’t looking to Dear Abby clones for dating advice.
Check out Blissnosis and you’ll see exactly what I mean – it will help you become a more desirable man in EVERY phase of the game.

Until Next Time,
Derek Vitalio


The next base ritual for creating a sexual connection with a woman is the ENERGY FLOW RITUAL.
So I’m sitting there alone with Charlotte and I say, “Did you know that bliss has a color? If you were to imagine bliss, what color would you give it?”
“Um… red I guess, with some swirls of blue,” she says.
“Now watch as a ball of red and swirling blue energy forms between us. This ball of energy contains all the pleasure in the world.”
“Now I’m going to take it into my hands. And once I do so, I’m going to take your hands into mine, and as you breathe in, feel all the red and swirling blue pleasurable energy enter into your body.”
That’s pacing what’s about to happen. So I take her hands into mine and tell her again that I’m passing the pleasurable energy into her.
“And as it enters your body through my hands, breathe in, and notice what it feels like as it slowly works its way through every muscle in your body… down to your elbows… up through your shoulders… around your neck… down through your body… into your heart.”
“That pleasurable, warm energy goes to that place you’ve been aching to feel touch you, deep, deep down and makes your heart beat fast with pleasure.”
“And notice as that pleasure spreads all through your body, it gets warmer and nicer, and the more it spreads, the more pleasurable it becomes.”
And as I squeeze her hands in mine, I tell her how the energy goes through all the rest of her body, through her waist, her legs, her feet.
Then I tell her, “Now, hold that incredible feeling in your body, swirling about, and feel it as if you were relaxing your body in a hot Jacuzzi, with hot water of this pleasurable energy massaging bathing skin. Send that warm pleasure rippling through your entire body. Surrender to it.”
“Now you’ll notice that a special connection is taking place, which when we share together becomes stronger.” As I say this to her, I’m massaging her fingers in mine.
“Now I’m going to show you the MELTING HUG,” I tell her.
“Hugging is wonderful because it makes you feel energized and makes your body produce more Oxytocin, which is like a feel good drug.” To the reader: Oxytocin is also the drug that surges through women’s bodies when they become aroused and when they experience orgasm.
“With this connection we’ve experienced so far, do you trust me?”
“Okay, come into my arms.”
I don’t lean in to her, but command her to lean into me.
“Don’t look into me eyes, just relax. At first you’ll feel tense, but that’s how you’ve learned to hug. But then you’ll feel a surge of electricity and excitement from being so close to me.”
“But just relax and feel your body melting into mine until you become totally absorbed in the connection taking place. And allow the warmth of my voice and the warmth of my arms to wrap themselves around you, making our connection even deeper. Breathe in to all parts of your body.”
So we hug there in the melting hug, my protective arms around her. It is truly a special moment.
You might recognize that the Melting Hug as the first step in a progression of touch escalation. You’re right.
After the Melting Hug, you’ll want to end the session with her. You don’t want to do too much in one day. She’ll already have had a profound experience and if you do too much at once it will seem weird.
The next rituals however will steadily increase the amount of intimate touch. After all, you don’t want to create just a friendly connection, you want to create a SEXUAL connection. And that requires a lot of touching.
But with the rituals done so far, you’ve established the basic foundation of trust and comfort with a woman. She’s shared an experience with you that is unique and very powerful.
And whether you’re seducing the woman for the first time or whether you’re already in a sexual relationship with her, these sexual connection rituals will build your authority and power in her eyes.
For more on how to build sexual relationships, you’ll want to check out my Blissnosis Master Program. Blissnosis gives you a lot more routines and techniques for transforming women into your sexual fantasy and building a special connection in your relationships.

Until next time,
Derek Vitalio