First Initial Steps to Win Her Back - Get Your Ex Back Fast


Some says: If you know what women want, you can rule the world.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Attract Beautiful Women By Being Unpredictable

We’ve mentioned this a lot, but now the hammer drops.
You CAN’T BE BORING! There is no greater sin when you’re trying to attract beautiful women.
In fact, this is the number one cause of nice guy frienditis. It’s not that women don’t like nice guys – oftentimes those let’s-just-be-friends have some sincerity in them – it’s that nice guys aren’t exciting. They’re predictable.

And let’s face it – almost everyone will pick exciting over pleasant every time. Guys too. How many sites are set up devoted to the hotness of Laura Croft? How many are set up exalting the attributes of Jane Austen heroines? Have you ever even had the patience to finish a Jane Austen novel?
I rest my case.
Nice guys often wind up in this atrocious position where they do everything “right” and his object of affection WANTS to like him… but there just is no spark. She wishes like hell she could dig such a sweet man who would treat her as well as anyone… but she just can’t. Her head is all into you, but her heart is somewhere else.
Her heart is seeking adventure. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to go cliff diving or bungee jumping on a first date (at least not with all women), but it DOES mean you can’t be predictable. You can’t bland and inoffensive – because that path is so obvious she’ll know what you’ll say and do five minutes before you do it.
How long can you watch a painfully formulaic movie before getting annoyed – especially if there aren’t any explosions?
Now, jerks aren’t pleasant people. This isn’t a positive – in fact, it’s the reason they rarely find themselves in long-term or stable relationships, you can only put up with that shit for so long – but what jerks ARE is unpredictable. There are only a few “right” things you can do in any situation; the “wrong” things you can do are basically infinite.
That makes time spent with jerks interesting and exciting – you never know what will happen next. Because the situations usually turn ugly, you don’t stick with a guy like that for too long – but women end up with a major dilemma, because the excitement is like an addictive drug. When it comes to body chemistry, this is LITERALLY true.
Women who find themselves EXTREMELY addicted to this drug are the ones who might wind up in an abusive relationship. They know they shouldn’t be there – but they need that chemical fix.
I don’t know about you, but my aim in life has never been to be an abusive asshole. Even as a young kid I recognized that pricks got more women than they should, and that I would probably increase my success by following that pattern – but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Deep down, most of us ARE nice guys.
What to do?
How about isolate the attraction jerks provoke, without all the other bullshit?
This is where you relaxed playfulness comes in – if you are playing in a fun way, you aren’t being predictable. You aren’t saying what everyone expects – saying what ISN’T expected is one of the major keys to humor.
By extension, if you’ve got a girl laughing, chances are she didn’t expect what just happened. You give her that excitement while SIMULTANEOUSLY creating a pleasant atmosphere. That’s a rare combo. A double-combo knockout punch, if you will. (Note: don’t punch her – unless you’ve got a safe word set up beforehand. Note for idiots: don’t take S/M jokes literally.)
That said, the lady is going to test your character. Lots of times, this will come in the form of demands and requests – both direct and indirect. You want to keep the pleasantness, but you don’t want to give up any machismo or become predictable by instantly caving into her wishes. What to do?
DELAY. This is another key word. It applies to all sorts of aspects of dating, but for now we’re going to focus on spontaneity. Write it down somewhere in your journal.
Then write it down on 10 more pages, at the top, in bold letters. Go ahead and get creative. DELAY.
What do I mean by delay? Let’s say you’re going to dinner, and your lady mentions how much she loves sushi. Don’t say anything, and DON’T go there that night.
But go three weeks later. It shows thoughtfulness – and that you were listening – without any of the wimpy characteristics usually associated with such displays. Plus, she knows not to expect where the night will lead, and not to try and guide it.
She talks about how she loves the beach. Wonderful – take her there when she least expects it, like a Friday night after her work ends and spend a moonlit evening enjoying the waves before swimming the next day.
You get the idea. Pay attention to what she likes, but file it away. Don’t immediately try and fulfill her desires – it gets to be like the Twilight Zone about the gambler who never loses and realizes he’s in hell. But go ahead and fulfill them on YOUR schedule, at unexpected moments.
This is one of the easiest lessons to learn, but also one of the easiest to let slip when crunch time comes. A little whining and most men lose their heads and do whatever is asked of them.
Better is to make it clear that you don’t have time for whining – nicely but firmly – and over time let the lady learn she will get what she wants – when YOU want to give it to her.
By the way, all of this, it counts about a thousand fold when it comes to sex. Few things are sexier than a man who doesn’t lose it at the sight of an exposed breast. If you can control yourself and DELAY satisfaction until you’re ready to give it over, the ANTICIPATION becomes more powerful than ACT ALONE usually is – making the act all the more powerful when it comes.
Yes, I’m still talking about sex. But I’m talking about all the rest of it too. DELAY. Really. Trust me. DELAY.
If you want to experience where getting your seduction skills up to par can take you, check out my courses Seduction Science and Nonverbal Sexual Cuing.
They are literally jam packed with everything you need, in step by step detail, for attracting the most beautiful women you find.
Check them out.

Derek Vitalio

The Art of the Ice-Break

Ok, remember in some of my past newsletters I’ve told you that there are no magic bullets ?there are no amazing pick-up lines that will get you the girl?
Good. I mean it. I really do.
Now let’s work on those lines.
Seriously, WHAT you say isn’t half as important as HOW you say it. Still, it can only help if you are PREPARED.
When you first start working on your flirting, unless you are Joe Cool, you are going to get NERVOUS. That’s alright, it’s just a fact.
Even the best sometimes get nervous in front of a beautiful woman.
The difference between the best and the rest, though, is a man in control knows how to, you guessed it, CONTROL his nerves.
That takes practice, scores of rejections, hundreds of dates? and even then you’ll feel the nerves kick in now and again.
THAT’S why we are going to work on some lines. It’s not the words that are key, it’s the RELAXED CONFIDENCE that comes from knowing you have some good things to say. Knowing that if you’re stuck, you’ve got an out. If you’re nervous enough to froth a cappuccino with your touch, you’ve got a witty something that will escape your brain lock, get her laughing, and get you relaxed.
Plus, funny as you might become, not everyone can riff like Conan O’Brien. And even HE has prepared material.
So, what sort of thing do you want to say to a woman? What are the emotions that you want to get her feeling?
Think about it. Write down your thoughts. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Done it? NO?!! Look, I know this stuff, this is for YOU, and you aren’t getting ANYWHERE without some effort. Screw “I’ll do it in my head,?there is something much more permanent and lasting about a thought committed to paper.
And I’m not just talking about having it on paper. When I was in school, I found that something I took notes on I remembered ?without needing the notes afterwards ?while things I planned to “just remember?always got forgotten. That extra effort now makes a big difference later.
So if you’re serious about improving your game, then get a pencil, because you’ve got WORK to do in this newsletter.
Don’t worry. The pay is great.
Now, I’ll wait one more time, write down what you think a woman WANTS to feel, what feeling will create ATTRACTION in her.
If you’re a regular reader of this newsletter and not a lazy sloth, you’ve probably got something about humor on your list. Why?
Laughter feels GOOD. It shoots seratonin all over your head. It’s a complex reaction ?as near as we can tell, only humans laugh ?and it integrates many parts of the brain. It also RELAXES people and allows them to relax their GUARD.
There is a reason laughter can be called DISARMING. There’s a reason it’s often a reaction to an uncomfortable situation, and that we have dark or gallows humor. Laughter is a RELEASE.
If you get a girl laughing, you make her feel better than she did a moment before. Her world gets sunnier, her defenses descend a smidge (at a time), and she associates that good feeling with YOU.
That’s a powerful combo.
But it doesn’t end there.
I was always a funny guy, but before I figured things out I WASN’T good at attracting women with it. Oh, women LIKED me, they just weren’t ATTRACTED to me.
My humor had two problems that we need to stay away from: one, I was sometimes TOO funny, too GOOFY, and that’s death. Two, I used my humor in such a disarming way that all the tension in conversations was gone. Everyone was happy, relaxed, and completely devoid of that magical TENSION that sexual emotions thrive on.
It was very frustrating. I can feel a lot of nodding heads out there; you aren’t alone.
So I had to come up with a way to keep the tension IN, and USE THAT in my humor.
One day, after enough trial and error, I realized you need some ARROGANCE in there. If you have just the right amount of alphaness it changes your humor from DEFLATING a balloon of tension to something that PUMPS IT UP even more.
When the balloon is ready to explode, look out. You’ve got a wild woman on your hands.
A GREAT way to let that arrogance come out is gentle mocking of whomever you’re talking to ?or even anyone nearby, although ironically you are at greater risk of looking like a jerk by mocking people nearby than if you OPENLY TEASE the girl you’re talking to.
Also, you can’t be afraid to use SEXUAL humor. Most guys are scared of it because, done wrong, you look sleazy ?and most of us have made some errors of judgment in our drunker moments.
But done right, sexual humor increases sexual TENSION exponentially, and makes you look like a confident, experienced stud. The biggest key is making it funny and natural. We’re not looking for crude, we’re looking for sophistication.
Ok, enough theory, how about an example.
Say you’re at a bar, and a woman walks in wearing a dress that’s only over one shoulder, flowing, it almost looks like a toga.
Maybe you say “All you need now is a blindfold and a scale, and you could get away with that dress.? She’ll be surprised, maybe even shocked ? most men don’t talk that way to her, bonus for you, you’re separated from the pack already ? but if she’s got any humor in her, she’ll dissolve into a smile or laughter.
As the interaction continues and if you’re both still playing with your opener, you might follow up with “Wow, I barely know you, and already you’re bringing blindfolds into the relationship? You are a kinky one. I’m sorry, this just isn’t working out, you move too fast for me. After all, I’m more than just a sex toy. I need someone who loves me for me, not just my astounding physique.?(This is even better when you obviously DON’T have an astounding physique.)
At this point, she’ll be enjoying herself, you’ll be making her laugh, you’ll stand out from the crowd, and you’ll be building the sexual tension to an incredible degree.
Or say you see a knockout, you’re talking for a bit, you get her smiling, and then you ask “So what’s it like??/font>
Her: What’s what like?
You: Well, being a beautiful women, you must be able to get all the guys to do whatever you want. What’s that like?
You: (after a shocked pause or a knowing smile, depending on the girl) And what’s it like being with me, knowing that won’t work?
I’ve personally used that one to great affect ?it becomes a funny topic for the rest of the evening. Sometimes I send the woman out on missions to get other guys to buy drinks to give to me! It blows my mind that these guys can see this all happening and they’ll still buy the drinks, thinking somehow that’s impressive.
It’s not. Relaxed confidence is impressive. As is wit.
Later in the night she might be beaming at you after you’ve said something arrogant and playful, and you deadpan with a serious face “You love me.?Or “I hate you.?Or “You’re not one of those stalker ex-girlfriends, are you??/font>
Are you feelin?this? Good.
Get that pen out. It’s sweatin?time.
I want you to think of five places where you see lots of women. Create a page for each place ?if you are keeping an attraction journal, give each one a page.
Now, brainstorm cocky funny things you can say in each situation. Try to come up with five each. Play with them. Take them out for test drives. Get the delivery right ? say these sort of things incorrectly and you could sound like a prick. Say them right, and you sound like a stud.
Get a stable of remarks that you feel comfortable with, and that you know will get a good response most of the time. Perfect them. Make sure you refine your list with responses to comebacks that sharp women will throw at you.
When you’re comfortable with them and can use them to good affect, add more. Your list should keep growing, until one day you outgrow it. With enough practice, you won’t need to think of witty things to say, you will simply BE a wittier person.
REMEMBER though, it isn’t the words as much as the delivery. The right words can help your delivery, and having a ready list can help your confidence. But it’s HOW you say it that matters.
One of my favorite ex-girlfriends I met at a party without ANY words ?we had a playful drama using nothing but facial expressions while I waited to use the bathroom across the room. She couldn’t wait to give me her info.
It’s HOW you say it. Sorry to repeat myself, but that is really the key to it all.
HOW. Ok I’m done.
Of course, if you want to know more about HOW to come across as the confident man that women find attractive, you should check out my Seduction Science program. It’s full of tips to improve ALL aspects of your approach, from the deep inner game to the most extreme outer game, like what lines work best for breaking the ice. Check it out.
Until next time.

Derek Vitalio