Secrets Of Talking To Women - Part 1

Most of us have endured some silences in our relations with women we wish hadn’t happened. Well, first, you don’t have to be scared of silences, because they can be helpful. And second, there are ways to get a sparkling conversation going from next to ZERO material.

Let’s Take a Moment to Look Left

Brief related tangent time: one question I get asked a lot is “What should I talk about?”

Sure, now you know HOW you’re supposed to talk, but so many guys get stuck on WHAT to talk about. After all, those dead silences are murder for attraction, right?

First off, not so fast bad-mouthing silence. More on that later.
Second, it REALLY doesn’t matter WHAT you talk about, so long as you make it interesting. I’ve said this again and again, but let me stress it now: you can talk about ANYTHING and it’ll be ok.
You can tell a date her butt looks HUGE in that dress. Say it right and she won’t walk out or slap you, she’ll laugh.
You can wonder aloud whether postal workers get high on stamp glue.
You can go on for half an hour about the off-color corner of that rare Elvis stamp you have framed on your wall… well, ok, maybe not that one. If you talk at length about certified punchline hobbies, you might be in trouble.
Unless you’re making fun of them, of course.

Can stupid stuff work? You betcha.

But seriously, this isn’t rocket science. This isn’t even high school science, despite how often the word “chemistry” gets bandied about.
When I was still studying these skills, some of my “natural” friends would tell me lines they’d used with great success. I didn’t believe it. The things they related to me sounded so… DUMB, I couldn’t fathom an attractive intelligent woman would go for them.
Then I saw these guys in action. Sure, I could HEAR the stupidity of some of the lines – the corniness, the transparency, the if-this-were-in-a-Bond-movie-I’d-groan-now quality to them.
Still, they worked. I had new respect for groaners in Bond movies.
The key was ALL in the nonverbal delivery, as we’ve talked about at length.
Ok, so now that I’ve hopefully reminded you not to worry too much about the actual content, let me add sometimes you don’t need content AT ALL.

The Golden Silence is as good as the Golden Tongue

Strange, eh? I have one friend who isn’t a gabber, who doesn’t like to partake in anything CLOSE to small talk. And when he’s out with women, there are numerous silences.
And it WORKS. Why? Because he’s comfortable with it.
Listen, reality is all about perception. If you’re scared of awkward silences, they become awkward. If you aren’t, the silences become NATURAL. And that kind of thing stinks of relaxed confidence.
When you’re relaxed and comfortable enough to let a silence come and it DOESN’T BUG YOU, it communicates all sorts of positive things. Relaxed Confidence. Real (no games). Uh, we need a new word here, not gravity, but the opposite of frivolity. But while staying playful. We’ll call it gravolity.
To be clear, don’t overdo this. If you never say anything, well, you’re just boring. But don’t be scared of the occasional silence, or letting the lady start a topic and playing with it. (My silent friend does this all the time – and pretty soon, the women are starting all sorts of conversations and he’s viewed as fascinating because they’re talking about things they like to talk about. Who started the conversation never really enters into their head.)
(Hey, by the way, did you know that psychological studies say that the person who is LEAST comfortable with silence in a group – and hence breaks it – is almost always the MOST insecure? Still want to fill every last second of air time?)

To be continue...

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